YOU HUSBANDS
LIKEWISE LIVE WITH
YOUR WIVES: Oi andres
homoios,
sunoikountes (PAPMPN) kata gnosin: (Ge 2:23; Ge 2:24,Pr 5:15,
16, 17, 18, 19; Mal 2:14, 15,16; Mt19:3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9; 1Co7:3; Col
3:19; Ep 5:25, 26, 27, 28,33)
You husbands
- Note that the first words in the Greek sentence (indicates
emphasis) is husbands! Listen up! Treat your wife as precious,
as a gift from God to be treasured, reassured, protected, and loved,
with every tender provision being made for her.
Likewise
(3664)
(homoios = similar in circumstances or character) could refer back
to (1 Peter 2:21,22, 23, 24, 25) thus calling on Christian husbands to be Christ-like
even as
Paul instructed Christian husbands in Ephesus writing...
Husbands,
love
(present
imperative) your
wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for
her (Ep 5:25-note)
Likewise
without a doubt clearly indicates that submission is the
responsibility of a Christian husband as well.
How is this possible? It is not naturally possible but is only supernaturally possible as
the husband surrenders his will to the filling/control of the sweet will of the Holy Spirit,
for as Paul writes he is...
not get drunk
with wine, for that is dissipation, but
be filled
(present
imperative = not
a suggestion but a command to be continually filled. Notice the
passive voice
= action or in this
case filling is from an outside Source which implies the husband must
be willing to allow this external influence in his life) with the
Spirit (Ep 5:18-note)
Then Paul
instructs believers (both husbands and wives) who are under the
control of the Holy Spirit, that one of the manifestations of a Spirit
filled life is that they...
be subject to one another in the
fear of Christ (Eph 5:21-note)
Homoios -
30 NT uses - Matt. 22:26; 26:35; 27:41; Mk. 15:31; Lk. 3:11; 5:10, 33;
6:31; 10:32, 37; 13:3; 16:25; 17:28, 31; 22:36; Jn. 5:19; 6:11; 21:13;
Rom. 1:27; 1 Co. 7:3f, 22; Heb. 9:21; Jas. 2:25; 1 Pet. 3:1, 7; 5:5;
Jude 1:8; Rev. 2:15; 8:12
Here the charge
to the husband is to exercise his
loving duty of being sensitive to the needs, fears, and feelings of
his wife, to subordinate his needs to hers, whether she is a Christian
or not. Husbands are to show consideration, chivalry, and
companionship.
Live with
(4924)
(sunoikeo from sún = together with + oikéo = to
dwell) is used only here in the NT and means to dwell or reside
together, to cohabit. Live with in this context has the same meaning
as our modern expression and according to Ray Pritchard fundamentally
means “to share the same bed.”
The
present tense calls
for this to be a husband's lifestyle, something only possible when he
is "strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man" (Eph
3:16-note)
and continually being "filled with the Spirit" (Eph 5:18-note,
cp Gal 5:16-note).
In a sense live with is used like an
imperative (1Pe 2:18-note,
1Pe 3:1-note). A truly
spiritual husband will fulfill his marital duties and love his wife.
Tragically, one survey revealed that the average husband and wife had 37 minutes a
week (not a day, but a week!) together in actual communication! Is it any wonder that marriages
fall apart after the children grow up and leave home? The husband and
wife are left alone to co-habit as virtual strangers! The empty nest
era should be the best of times, not the worst of times, dear
believing husband or wife!
Writing to the
saints at Colossae Paul instructs husbands to
love
(present
imperative) - not
just when you feel like it, not just physically, not a suggestion, but
a lifestyle, one possible only if you are continually filled with the
Spirit! Eph 5:18-note,
cp Gal 5:16-note) your wives,
and do not be embittered (a settled hostility that poisons the whole
inner man - don't let this come into the relationship) against them." (Col
3:19-note)
Comment: Paul tells husbands
not to call their wives “honey,” and then act like vinegar! They must
not display harshness of temper or resentment toward their wives. They
are not to irritate or exasperate them, but rather to provide loving
leadership in the home.
IN AN
UNDERSTANDING WAY: kata gnosin:
Pastor Ray
Pritchard writes that...
The King James Version calls the
husband to live with his wife “according to knowledge.” (1Pe 3:7KJV) That’s a good
way to put it. Know your wife! Study her, get to know what makes her
tick, figure out how her mind works, and learn what her gifts are, her
desires, her talents, her hopes and dreams. A Christian husband who
really knows his wife sees her talents and abilities, opens the door
and says, “Sweetheart, go for it.” If she can sing, if she can teach,
if she can write, if she can buy and sell, if she can organize, if she
can design, if she can administrate, if she can encourage, if she can
counsel, if she can program a computer, if she can start a company, if
she can think creatively, he says, “Go for it!”...
So Peter says it’s your job to
study your wife, to get to know her intimately, and to live together
with her on the basis of that knowledge. Many years ago, when I was a
student at Dallas Seminary, Dr. Craig Massey, then Pastor of Des
Plaines Bible Church, came to hold a two-day conference on marriage.
Most of what he said has long been forgotten. But one thing remains.
He quoted Song of Solomon 4:3 where the lover says to his beloved:
“Your temples behind your veil are like the halves of a pomegranate.”
Craig Massey said if you open up a pomegranate, you find that it has
many sections inside, little ones and big ones. He said that’s what a
woman’s mind is like. Complex with many sections, big and small.
Modern science backs up Solomon’s insight. We know that the brain
contains two hemispheres—the left and the right. Neuroscientists tell
us that women typically have a larger pathway between the two
hemispheres so that information flows more freely. To put it simply,
most men have a footpath, most women have a superhighway. They are
generally more verbal and more in touch with their emotions and better
at forming deep relationships. Men are better with non-verbal tasks.
That’s why we have the remote control. I would say more about how
women and men think differently, but the women already know this and
the guys are going, “What’s he talking about?”
Women are amazing. That’s why you
can be married for 30 years and still find your wife fascinating and
captivating. Her mind works in so many ways. The wise husband
recognizes in his wife all sorts of talents and abilities, and he
encourages her to develop them. That’s what the virtuous woman of
Proverbs 31 did. She developed them for the good of her own family.
Many husbands fear their wives will change if they really turn them
loose. They’re right. Your wife will change and all for the better.
You have to lose the seed to gain the flower. How beautiful to see a
Christian wife blossom under the creative encouragement of a wise
husband. Men, don’t hold her back. Let her be all she can be for the
glory of God. Don’t stifle that budding desire. Water it, nourish it,
and bring it to full bloom.
(Sermon)
Clearly as
husbands, we need to get to know our wives - what pleases them, what
displeases them, what we can tell them and what we can't tell them
(because it might bring their spirits down -- we need to protect
them). I know a godly young man who made a mistake in this area
concerning his gentle believing wife. For some reason his parents
became angry with this young couple and choose to take out their anger
by making unfounded, derogatory remarks about their son's wife.
Unfortunately, he passed these words along (when there was really no
need to have done so) and it severely wounded her spirit and has the
potential to adversely effect their familial interactions the rest of
their life. Men, we need to study our wives to know what we can pass
along to them and what is best kept to ourselves.
Knowledge
(1108)
(gnosis from ginosko = to know, learn by experience,
take in knowledge of someone, knowledge that goes beyond the
merely factual, speaks of a special relationship between the person
who knows and the object of the knowledge) in the present context
speaks of a practical knowledge, of discretion or of prudence.
With an intelligent recognition
of the nature of the marriage relation!!! Somebody asked Mrs. Albert
Einstein if she understood Dr. Einstein’s theory of relativity, and
she replied, “No, but I understand the Doctor.”
In premarital counseling one
pastor gives the couple pads of paper and asked them to write down the
three things each one thinks the other enjoys doing the most. Usually,
the prospective bride makes her list immediately but the man sits and
ponders. And usually the girl is right but the man wrong! What a
beginning for a marriage!
The Christian husband needs to
know his wife’s moods, feelings, needs, fears, and hopes. He needs to
“listen with his heart” and share meaningful communication with her.
How can a husband show
consideration for his wife if he does not understand her needs or
problems?
To say, “I never knew you felt
that way!” is to confess that, at some point, one mate excommunicated
the other. When either mate is afraid to be open and honest about a
matter, then he or she is building walls and not bridges.
AS WITH A
WEAKER VESSEL, SINCE SHE IS A WOMAN: os asthenestero skeuei to
gunaikeio:
Ray Pritchard
writes that...
“weaker vessel” is similar to our
word “vase.” This particular word was used of priceless, fragile
china. It was also used of sacred vessels used in the temple for the
worship of God. When Peter calls the wife the “weaker” vessel, he is
not referring to moral character or to intellectual ability or to
spiritual perception. It certainly does not refer to outward beauty.
It refers primarily to the difference in physical strength between men
and women. A man who takes that fully into account may end up doing
some very odd things. For instance, he might actually help around the
house, he might do the dishes or the wash or the ironing. He might
take out the trash or do the cooking, or he might get the kids up in
the morning and get them ready for school. (Ibid)
Weaker (772)
(asthenes from a = without + sthénos
= strength, bodily vigor) (See study of related verb
astheneo
- note the concentration of asthenes/astheneo in the epistles to the
Corinthians - almost 50% of NT uses) is literally without strength or
bodily vigor. Asthenes describes one's state of limited
capacity to do or be something and is used literally of physical
weakness (most of the uses in the Gospels) and figuratively of
weakness in the spiritual arena (weak flesh, weak conscience, weak
religious system or commandment [Gal 4:9, Heb 7:18], etc) and thus
powerlessness to produce results.
Asthenes
- 26 NT uses - Mt. 25:43, 44; 26:41; Mk. 14:38; Lk. 9:2; 10:9; Acts 4:9;
5:15, 16; Rom. 5:6; 1 Co. 1:25, 27; 4:10; 8:7, 9f; 9:22; 11:30; 12:22; 2
Co. 10:10; Gal. 4:9; 1 Thess. 5:14; Heb. 7:18; 1 Pet. 3:7
Weaker in
the more literal use speaks of a state of limited capacity to do. It
means to be something weak. Peter's point is not that the wife is in ANY
WAY inferior but that she is physically weaker, and in need of
protection, provision, and strength from her husband. Aristotle
set a horrible tone arguing that women were by nature inferior to men in
every way except sexually. Aristotle was wrong!
The following is a
summary the nuances of meaning of asthenes (modified from
BDAG)...
(1) Pertaining to suffering from a
debilitating illness - sick, ill
(2) Pertaining to experiencing
some incapacity or limitation - weak
a) Of physical weakness - the
flesh is weak = gives up too easily (Mt 26:41, Mark 14:38); weaker
vessel = sex (1Peter 3:7); personal appearance is weak = unimpressive
(1Cor 10:10)
b) Of relative ineffectiveness,
whether external or inward weak = feeble, ineffectual (1Cor 4:10);
the weaker, less important members (1Cor 12:22); what is weak in (the
eyes of) the world (1Cor 1:27)
c) Of the inner life -
Helpless in a moral sense (Romans
5:6)
Of a weakness in faith, which through
lack of advanced knowledge, considers externals of the greatest
importance (1Cor 8:7, 9, 9:10, cp similar use of related verb astheneo
in Ro 14:1,2-
[note v1;
note v2])
To those who are weak in faith I
became as they are (1Cor 9:22) (Arndt,
W., Danker, F. W., & Bauer, W. A Greek-English Lexicon of the New
Testament and Other Early Christian Literature)
Vessel (4632)
(skeuos) describes something hollowed out for the purpose of
containing something such as liquid. It is a container of any material
used for a specific purpose, with the meaning varying according to the
context.
Skeuos
referred to a vessel used in the services of the temple (Mk 11:16) but was also used to describe household utensils. The English word
vessel comes from a Latin word vasellum, the diminutive form of
vas, a vase, the Latin words referring to a receptacle which
covers and contains. Thus, the word comes to refer to an instrument
whereby something is accomplished.
According to
some lexicons, Peter's uses of skeuos in this passage is a
euphemism in a Hebraist sense describing a wife as her husband's
sexual partner.
BDAG
summarizes the meanings of skeuos as
(1) material object used to
meet some need in an occupation or other responsibility, generally
thing, object used for any purpose at all - Mk 11:16, Re 18:12.
(2) a container of any king -
vessel, jar, dish - Lk 8:16, Jn 19:29, 2Ti 2:20
(3) a human being exercising a
function, instrument, vessel -Acts 9:15, 2Co 4:7, Ro 9:22 [cp Jer
27:25, Ro 9:23, 1Pe 3:7, 1Th 4:4]
(Arndt,
W., Danker, F. W., & Bauer, W. A Greek-English Lexicon of the New
Testament and Other Early Christian Literature)
Jesus used
skeuos to describe a recently converted man named Saul (Paul),
Luke recording
he is a chosen instrument
(skeuos) of Mine, to bear My name before the Gentiles and kings and
the sons of Israel for I will show him how much he must suffer for My
name's sake. (Acts 9:15,
16, 17)
Keathley in his commentary on
1Thes 4:1-12
writes that...
Vessel,” skeuos, is used of any
instrument, object or thing used for any purpose. It is used (1) of
vessels in religious worship (temple vessels), (2) of men as
instruments of the Lord (Acts 9:15; 2 Cor. 4:7), and (3) of husband
and wife as vessels (1 Pet. 3:7). That 1 Peter 3:7 includes the
husband is clear by the term “weaker.” In general, he is the stronger
and she is the weaker physically speaking. So, we do have a biblical
basis for using “vessel” for a marriage partner and for using kataomai
in the sense of contracting a marriage (Ruth 4). Further, it was used
of women in rabbinical literature. (see more notes
1Thessalonians 4:4)
Paul used skeuos in his last known epistle writing...
Now in a large house there are not
only gold and silver vessels, but also vessels of wood and of
earthenware, and some to honor and some to dishonor. Therefore, if a
man cleanses himself from these things, he will be a vessel for honor,
sanctified, useful to the Master, prepared for every good work.
(See notes
2 Timothy 2:20;
21).
Other references
to human beings as vessels for God's service are found in Jer
18:1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6
(see
Ro 9:21; 22; 23 - notes
Ro 9:21;
22;
23).
There are 23
uses of skeuos in the NT Matt. 12:29; Mk. 3:27; 11:16; Lk.
8:16; 17:31; Jn. 19:29; Acts 9:15; 10:11, 16; 11:5; 27:17; Ro 9:21-note,
Ro 9:22-note,
Ro 9:23-note;
2Co 4:7; 1Th 4:4; 2Ti 2:20, 2Ti 2:21; Heb 9:21-note;
1Pe 3:7; Re 2:27-note;
Re 18:12-note
The NAS translate
skeuos as article(2), container(1), goods(2), instrument(1),
jar(1), object (3), property(2),sea anchor(1), vessel(4), vessels(6).
There are 226 uses of skeuos
in the Septuagint - Gen. 24:53; 27:3; 31:37; 45:20; Exod. 3:22; 11:2;
12:35; 22:7; 25:9, 39; 27:3; 30:27, 28; 31:8; 35:13, 14, 16, 22;
37:16; 38:3, 30; 39:32, 33, 36, 38, 40; 40:9, 10; Lev. 6:28; 8:10;
11:32, 33; 13:49, 52, 53, 57, 58, 59; 14:50; 15:4, 6, 12, 22, 23, 26;
Nu 1:50; 3:8, 31, 36; 4:10, 12, 14, 15, 26, 32; 7:1, 85; 18:3; 19:15,
17, 18; 31:6, 20, 50, 51; 35:16, 18, 20, 22; Deut. 1:41; 22:5; Jos.
7:11; Jdg. 9:54; 18:11, 16; Ruth 2:9; 1 Sam. 6:8, 15; 8:12; 10:22;
13:20, 21; 14:1, 6, 7, 12ff, 17; 16:21; 17:54; 20:40; 21:5, 8; 25:13;
30:24; 31:4ff, 9f; 2 Sam. 1:27; 8:8, 10; 17:28; 18:15; 23:37; 24:22; 1
Ki. 6:7; 7:45, 48, 51; 8:4; 10:21, 25; 15:15; 19:21; 2 Ki. 4:3f, 6;
7:15; 11:8, 11; 12:13; 14:14; 20:13; 23:4; 24:13; 25:14, 16; 1 Chr.
9:28f; 10:4f, 9f; 11:39; 12:33, 37; 18:8, 10; 22:19; 23:26; 28:13; 2
Chr. 4:11, 16, 18f; 5:1, 5; 9:20, 24; 15:18; 20:25; 23:7; 24:14;
25:24; 28:24; 29:18f; 32:27; 36:7, 10, 18f; Ezr. 1:6f, 10f; 5:14f;
6:5; 7:19; 8:25ff, 30, 33; Neh. 10:39; 13:5, 8f; Job 28:17; Ps. 2:9;
7:13; 31:12; 71:22; Eccl. 9:18; Is 10:28; 39:2; 52:11; 54:16f; 65:4;
Jer. 22:28; 27:16, 19; 28:3, 6; 46:19; 48:12; 49:29; 50:25; 51:20, 34;
52:18; Ezek. 9:1; 12:3f, 7; 15:3; 16:17, 39; 23:26; 27:13; 40:42; Dan.
1:2; 5:2f, 23; 11:8; Hos. 8:8; 13:15; Jon. 1:5; Nah. 2:9; Zech. 11:15;
The
husband is to dwell with the wife, remembering that she is an
instrument of God as well as the husband, a child of God to be used by
Him (not by him! [with a small "h"]) to His glory. The husband must ever keep in mind that she is the
weaker instrument of the two, not morally or intellectually, but
physically. This attitude toward the wife on the part of the husband
therefore includes loving consideration of the wife in view of the
fact that she is not physically as strong as he is.
Clearly by weaker Peter does not
seek to convey any sense of inferiority as shown by the context. Of
what is she also a recipient? She is a fellow heir or joint heir of
the grace of life, and thus can in no way be considered inferior in
God's eyes.
Since she is a woman -
Pritchard comments on why husbands are to do this "since she is a
woman"...
That pushes us back to Genesis 2:18
where God created Eve as a helper for Adam. The old phrase “helpmeet”
really isn’t too bad. God created your wife to be a helper meet for
you or fit for you. The word means one who does for another what that
person cannot do for himself. Men, your wife is given to you because
you are incomplete without her. She’s not another man. She’s a
woman—separate, unique, different in every aspect. Our problem is that
we’ve been sold a bill of goods by the culture around us. We expect
our wives to be superwomen—a combination of Florence Nightingale,
Betty Crocker and Jennifer Lopez. Not so. When you married her, you
married a designer original, not some robot put together by a
computer. (Ibid)
AND
(continually) GRANT HER HONOR:
aponemontes (PAPMPN) timen os
kai: (1Co
12:22, 23, 24; 1Th 4:4)
Matthew Henry said the
husband’s duty to his wife consisted in
giving due respect to her, and
maintaining her authority, protecting her person, supporting her
credit, delighting in her conversation, affording her a handsome
maintenance, and placing a due trust and confidence in her.
Grant
(632) (aponemo
from apó = away + némo = distribute) is used only here
in the NT and means to apportion, bestow or give. It means to grant
that which is appropriate in a relationship (BDAG).
In secular Greek aponemo was used of a prefect
(any of various high officials or magistrates of differing functions
and ranks in ancient Rome) who gives to all their dues. It describes
an officer commended for giving to all their just dues. Josephus uses
aponemo to describe the honors Titus paid his troops after the
destruction of Jerusalem.
Husbands should continually
grant (present
tense)
submissive wives their just due and not take liberties with their rights.
Honor
(5092)
(time from tío = pay honor, respect) refers to the worth or merit of some object. It
is the amount at which something is valued!
Time - 41
NT uses - Matt. 27:6, 9; Jn. 4:44; Acts 4:34; 5:2f; 7:16; 19:19;
28:10; Rom. 2:7, 10; 9:21; 12:10; 13:7; 1 Co. 6:20; 7:23; 12:23f; Col.
2:23; 1 Thess. 4:4; 1 Tim. 1:17; 5:17; 6:1, 16; 2 Tim. 2:20f; Heb.
2:7, 9; 3:3; 5:4; 1 Pet. 1:7; 2:7; 3:7; 2 Pet. 1:17; Rev. 4:9, 11;
5:12f; 7:12; 21:26
Honor (time)
reflects a
manifestation of esteem (the
regard with which one is held),
honor, reverence.
A related word
timios in
1 Peter 1:19
(note) is translated “precious.”
Time is a term used to describe
the value of a precious stone. Thus, wives are to be treasured as one
would treasure a precious stone (cp Pr 31:10, Pr 31:10KJV speaking of her worth).
Husbands are to show their wives they are precious by spending time
with them, talking with them, praying with them, protecting them (see
1Cor 13:7-see
note on meaning of "bears all things"), loving
them as Christ loved the church and even as we do our own bodies (Eph
5:25-note,
Eph 5:28-note,
Eph 5:29-note).
Christian husbands are to deem their
helpmate whom God
has given them as precious, and so are to treat them with honor.
Christianity introduced chivalry into the relationship between men and
women. In the Greek and
Roman culture it was common for the husband to expect his wife to
carry out the domestic duties, but not to enter into a true, intimate
friendship with him. In contrast, the Christian husband is to love and
respect his wife so his prayers won't be impeded. Since his prayers
would include petitions for her salvation, it's important that he
develop an intimate friendship with her.
The NIV rendering of treat with respect is a bit "weak", since
one can treat someone with detached, formal 'respect' and yet give no
special honor to that person.
Peter says husbands are to be as a habitual practice (their lifestyle)
assigning or apportioning honor to their wives.
To honor your wife includes respect or esteem but again it is
not cold, methodical interaction.
Meditate
on the contrasting thought:
contempt, despite, disdain, scorn; disregard, neglect, slighting or
the overt opposite = dishonor. The cruelty which is often the hardest
to bear is often not deliberate but the product of sheer
thoughtlessness.
Compare Paul's admonition to the Christian husbands in the church at
Ephesus where Paul helps understand what it means to honor our
wives...
So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own
bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself ;for no one ever hated
his own flesh, but nourishes (nurtures, promotes the growth of,
furnishes with "nutriments") and cherishes (primarily
means to heat, to soften by heat, then, to keep warm, as of birds
covering their young with their feathers, and so in this verse means
to cherish with tender love or to foster with tender care) it, just as
Christ also does the church." (see notes
Ephesians 5:28;
29)
Wiersbe writes
Chivalry may be dead, but every husband must be a “knight in shining
armor” who treats his wife like a princess...The husband should treat
his wife like an expensive, beautiful, fragile vase, in which is a
precious treasure. After they get married, many a husband forgets to
be kind and gentlemanly and starts taking his wife for granted. He
forgets that happiness in a home is made up of many little things,
including the small courtesies of life. Big resentments often grow
out of small hurts. Husbands and wives need to be honest with each
other, admit hurts, and seek for forgiveness and healing. “Giving
honor to the wife” does not mean “giving in to the wife.” A husband
can disagree with his wife and still respect and honor her. As the
spiritual leader in the home, the husband must sometimes make
decisions that are not popular; but he can still act with courtesy and
respect. “Grant honor” means that the husband respects his wife’s
feelings, thinking, and desires. He may not agree with her ideas, but
he respects them. Often God balances a marriage so that the husband
needs what the wife has in her personality, and she likewise needs his
good qualities. An impulsive husband often has a patient wife, and
this helps to keep him out of trouble! The husband must be the “thermostat”
in the home, setting the emotional and spiritual temperature. The wife
often is the “thermometer,” letting him know what that
temperature is! Both are necessary. The husband who is sensitive to
his wife’s feelings will not only make her happy, but will also grow
himself and help his children live in a home that honors God. (Wiersbe,
W: Bible Exposition Commentary. 1989. Victor
or
Logos)
AS A FELLOW
HEIR OF THE GRACE OF LIFE: kai
sugkleronomois charitos zoes: (Eph 3:6; Titus 3:7; Heb 1:14)
Fellow heir
(4789)
(sugkleronomos
from
sun = together +
Kleronomos
=
heir, sharer by lot) means one who participates in the same
lot, a joint heir in this case refers to
marriage, the best relationship earthly life has to offer. The
husband must cultivate companionship and fellowship with his wife,
Christian or not.
Joint heir
is also used by Paul in Romans 8 to refer to those who have been saved
by grace through faith writing that..
If children, heirs also, heirs of God and
fellow heirs
with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him in order that we may also be
glorified with Him (See note
Romans 8:17)
Solomon
(who had experience with too many wives - 1Ki 11:1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7,
8, 9, 10, 11f)
wrote...
Enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting
life which He has given to you under the sun; for this is your reward
in life, and in your toil in which you have labored under the sun. (Eccl
9:9)
Grace (5485)(charis)
is a common NT word but one that is somewhat difficult to define and
any definition I attempt will fall far short of the wealth of meaning
found in this great Biblical word! That said, one of the most familiar
short definitions of grace is "God's unmerited favor." (Lewis
Sperry Chafer). Sadly, the working definition of grace for many
believers goes little beyond this basic simple definition.
As
Hampton Keathley says
since
grace is at the
very
heart, indeed, it is the very foundation and fountain of true
Christianity, we should have a better grasp of this important word and
its truth.... Furthermore, the doctrine of God’s Grace in Christ is
multi-sided. As a doctrine of the Word it touches every area of truth
or doctrine in one way or another. Every aspect of doctrine is related
to grace. It is no wonder grace is an important word and one that Paul
desires to be experienced by all. It is a fountain from which we must
all drink deeply, but it is one that runs counter to our own natural
tendencies. Rather than drink from God’s fountain, we tend to build
our own broken cisterns. (Jer 2:13)
A Basic
Definition—lexical: The Greek word for grace is charis. Its basic
idea is simply “non-meritorious or unearned favor, an unearned gift, a
favor or blessings bestowed as a gift, freely and never as merit for
work performed.”
Expanded Definition—theological: Grace is “that which God does
for mankind through His Son, which mankind cannot earn, does not
deserve, and will never merit”1
Grace is all that God freely and non-meritoriously does for man and is
free to do for man on the basis of Christ’s person and work on the
cross. Grace, one might say, is the work of God for man and
encompasses everything we receive from God. see
Grace and Peace)
SO THAT YOUR
PRAYERS MAY NOT BE HINDERED: eis to me egkoptesthai (PPN) tas proseuchas humon:
(Job
42:8; Mt 5:23,24; 18:19; Ro 8:26,27; Ep 4:30; 6:18)
So that (1519)
(eis) is a preposition which primarily expresses the idea of
motion into any place or thing but is used here in the figurative
sense to mark the point toward which the husband's godly care of his
wife will end - an open channel to the throne of the God of all grace! The result,
effect or consequence of his treating his wife as God instructs (and
enables by His indwelling Spirit) is
beautiful fellowship with God Himself!
This should be a strong
motivating force for all of us husbands!
Ray Pritchard observes
that...
Peter closes with a strong and
strange warning. This is the motivation for taking his words with
utmost seriousness: “that your prayers be not hindered.” The word for
“hindered” is a military term for an army digging a trench in a road
to stop the enemy’s advance. It describes what Satan will do in your
spiritual life. If husbands do not take this seriously, Satan will dig
a trench and your prayers will never get through. We all know that
automobile engines get out of whack if only one little piece
malfunctions. Likewise, our bodies have one breakdown and we end up in
the hospital. There is a delicate balance between the
physical
and the spiritual. A marriage that is out of tune emotionally or
physically will soon be out of tune spiritually. To put it bluntly,
you can’t ignore your wife and get through to God. The Almighty takes
the side of the weaker vessel! When we are truly one with each other,
then we are truly one with God.
This principle applies in a broader way to all our relationships. If
we harbor bitterness or if we are unkind or if we gossip about others,
if we get angry and stay angry, our prayers will not get through to
God. You cannot say, “I hate you,” to a brother or sister in Christ,
and then blithely say, “I love you so much, Lord.” Or to be more
accurate, you can say those words, but you’re just lying to yourself.
If your prayers seem dead, dull and ineffective, maybe it’s time to do
a relational inventory. God has wired us so that there is a direct
connection between the horizontal and the vertical. The way you treat
others has a direct impact on how God responds to your prayers. (1 Peter 3:7 Unhindered Prayers)
Hindered
(1581) (ekkopto
from ek =from, out + kópto = cut) literally means to cut
off or from (literally of a tree - Mt 3:10). It was used as a military
metaphor meaning to cut in on, throw obstacles in the way of, or cut
up the road so that normal movement was impossible. It means to cause
to cease by removing, to do away with, to eliminate and more
figuratively as in the present verse to hinder, frustrate, impede or
retard.
Related Resource: See Word
Study on Hinder, thwart (1465)
egkopto/enkopto
Note that ekkopto is used here in
1Peter 3:7 by the Greek Textus Receptus (from which the King James
translation derives), while the more modern manuscripts use
egkopto/enkopto (NAS).
The idea inherent in both verbs is
the same so that in Peter's warning failure to treat one's wife with
understanding will get in the way of or cut off the husband's attempts
to pray.
TDNT writes that in secular
Greek ekkopto had several nuances...
a. The first sense of ekkopto is
“to strike out” (e.g., the eyes, branches in pruning, etc.).
b. A second sense is “to break
open” (doors, locks, etc.).
c. A third meaning is “to hew down”
(trees)
d. Figuratively we then have the
sense “to drive out” or
e. “to exclude” or “repel.”
f. Another figurative meaning is
“to extirpate” or “destroy” (cities etc., but also states of mind,
impulses, claims, etc)
(Kittel,
G., Friedrich, G., & Bromiley, G. W. Theological Dictionary of the
New Testament. Eerdmans)
Ekkopto - 11 NT uses and 36
in the
Septuagint (LXX)
(Gen. 32:8; 36:35; Exod. 21:27;
34:13; Num. 16:14; Deut. 7:5; 12:3; 20:19f; Jos. 15:16; Jdg. 16:21;
21:6; 1 Ki. 15:13; 2 Chr. 14:3, 14f; 31:1; Job 14:7; 19:10; 42:17; Ps.
74:5; Prov. 30:17; Isa. 9:10; 27:9; Jer. 6:6; 10:3; 22:7; 44:7f;
46:23; Dan. 2:40; 4:14, 17, 23; 9:26; Mic. 5:14; Zech. 12:11)
Matthew 3:10 "And the axe is
already laid at the root of the trees; every tree therefore that does
not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the
fire.
Matthew 5:30-note
"And if your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off,
and throw it from you; for it is better for you that one of the parts
of your body perish, than for your whole body to go into hell.
Matthew 7:19-note
"Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down
and thrown into the fire.
Matthew 18:8 "And if your hand or
your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it
from you; it is better for you to enter life crippled or lame, than
having two hands or two feet, to be cast into the eternal fire.
Luke 3:9 "And also the axe is
already laid at the root of the trees; every tree therefore that does
not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the
fire."
Luke 13:7 "And he said to the
vineyard-keeper, 'Behold, for three years I have come looking for
fruit on this fig tree without finding any. Cut it down!
Why does it even use up the ground?'
Luke 13:9 and if it bears fruit
next year, fine; but if not, cut it down.'"
Romans 11:22-note
Behold then the kindness and severity of God; to those who fell,
severity, but to you, God's kindness, if you continue in His kindness;
otherwise you also will be cut off.
Comment: Paul is speaking of
an eternally dire state, in which people are cut off from spiritual
opportunity to be saved and by default are given over to eternal
judgment judgment.
Romans 11:24-note
For if you were cut off from what is by nature a wild
olive tree, and were grafted contrary to nature into a cultivated
olive tree, how much more shall these who are the natural branches be
grafted into their own olive tree?
2Corinthians 11:12 But what I am
doing, I will continue to do, that I may cut off
opportunity from those who desire an opportunity to be regarded just
as we are in the matter about which they are boasting.
1 Peter 3:7 You husbands likewise,
live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel,
since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the
grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Webster says that hinder
means to make slow or difficult the progress of and stresses causing
harmful or annoying delay or interference with progress.
Ekkopto is in the
present tense indicating continuous action
(continuously cut off - at least until we confess, repent and obey)
and the
passive voice
which signifies the action of hindering comes from an outside
source, specifically God.
Failure to give due honor to the wife will
result in a cutting in on the efficacy of prayer, probably both his
individual prayers & their united prayer times.
Mark it down: A
husband's domestic relationship to his wife has a profound impact on
his own spiritual fellowship with God!
This
warning is very vivid to us now with ''call waiting'' in which one
party abruptly says ''Excuse me while I get this other line!" In
context this might refer specifically to the husband’s prayer!
Our fellowship with God can never be right, if our
fellowship with
our fellow-man is wrong. It is when we are at one (peace, unity,
one heart and mind) with each other
that we are most at one with our God. Do not be deceived. John explains that...
If we say that we have fellowship
with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the
truth, 7 but if we walk in the light as He Himself is in the light, we
have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son
cleanses us from all sin. 8 If we say that we have no sin, we are
deceiving ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our
sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to
cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say that we have not
sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us. (1Jn1:6-9)
Disrupted husband to wife communication places a "brass roof" over the
husband's prayers so that they do not ascend to the throne of God.
The
Psalmist writes that...
If I regard ("to look with favor
upon" or "plan") wickedness in my heart, Jehovah will not hear. (Ps
66:18)
Spurgeon's
commenting on this verse writes
= If, having seen it to be there, I continue to gaze upon it without
aversion; if I cherish it, have a side glance of love toward it,
excuse it, and palliate it; The Lord will not hear me. How can
he? Can I desire Him to connive at my sin, and accept me while I
wilfully cling to any evil way? Nothing hinders prayer like iniquity
harboured in the breast; as with Cain, so with us, sin lieth at the
door, and blocks the passage. If thou listen to the devil, God will
not listen to thee. If you refuse to hear God's commands, He will
surely refuse to hear thy prayers. An imperfect petition God will hear
for Christ's sake, but not one which is wilfully miswritten by a
traitor's hand.
For God to accept our devotions,
while we are delighting in sin, would be to make Himself the God of
hypocrites, which is a fitter name for Satan than for the Holy One of
Israel.
Our fellowship with God is closely
related to that with his fellow human beings John making this quite
clear writing that...
We love, because He first loved us.
20 If someone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar;
for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot
love God whom he has not seen. 21 And this commandment we have from
Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also. (1Jn
4:19-21)
Another way to look at
this verse is to realize that God is so concerned that Christian
husbands live in an understanding and loving way with their wives,
that he "interrupts" His relationship with them when they are not
treating their wives in a manner worthy of the Lord (cp grieving the
Spirit - Ep 4:30-note).
The
application of the principle in this passage in the life of every
Christian husband is absolutely vital. No Christian husband
should presume to think that any spiritual good will be accomplished
by his life without an effective ministry of prayer. And no husband
may expect an effective prayer life unless he lives with his wife "in
an understanding way, granting her honor".
Husbands remember that the first manifestation of
genuine, Spirit enabled love is a long fuse...
Love is patient (makrothumeo
- makro = long +
thumos = anger) , love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag
and is not arrogant (1Co 13:4-note)
John MacArthur (How
to Win
Your Unbelieving Spouse)
has a "checklist" to assess how we are doing as a marriage partner...
1. Complete the following
evaluation, asking the Lord to help you improve where necessary as a
marriage partner:
Study Philippians 2:3, 4-note and
Ephesians 4:1, 2, 3-note and write out five specific ways to demonstrate to
your spouse that he or she is important.
Evaluate the changes you would like to see in your mate. Will they
truly help your mate or are they for your own benefit?
List five things you do to please your mate and five things you should
do more often.
List five deficiencies you have as a marriage partner. Specifically
list ways you can change.
2. The wife is to be submissive,
faithful, and modest toward her husband; and the husband is to show
consideration, chivalry, and companionship toward his wife. Answer the
following practical questions as a way of measuring those virtues in
your life:
Are you faithful to maintain your
spiritual life through Bible study, prayer, regular church attendance,
and fellowship with God's people?
Do you ask forgiveness when you have done something wrong?
Do you accept corrective criticisms graciously?
Do you make excessive demands upon your mate, expecting too much from
him or her?
Do you allow your mate to make mistakes without condemning him or her?
Do you focus on what you appreciate about your mate, or do you tend to
find fault with him or her?
Can you discuss differing viewpoints without becoming irritated or
upset?
When you disagree with your mate, do you seek biblical answers for the
problem instead of blowing up emotionally or verbally attacking your
mate?
Are you a good listener when your mate tries to explain something?
Do you become irritated over your mate's weaknesses, or do you provide
acceptance, encouragement, and a proper example?
If you've spotted some problems in
your life, prayerfully seek to make the necessary corrections. To help
you in your resolve, seek the counsel and accountability of a godly
friend who is a fellow wife or husband.
Husbands...
Honestly ask yourself
these questions...
1. Are we partners or competitors?
2. Are we helping each other become more spiritual?
3. Are we depending on the externals or the eternals? The artificial
or the real?
4. Do we understand each other better?
5. Are we sensitive to each other’s feelings and ideas, or taking each
other for granted?
6. Are we seeing God answer our prayers?
7. Are we enriched because of our marriage, or robbing each other of
God’s blessing? (adapted from Warren Wiersbe)
><>><>><>
Opening the Door - When my
wife and I went out to lunch with some friends, I noticed that the
husband went around to the passenger side of the car and opened the
door for his wife. I said to him, "Some women might consider that
demeaning." "That's right," he said. "One woman saw me do that and
remarked, 'I'm sure she's perfectly capable of opening the door for
herself!' I told her, 'I don't open the door for my wife because she's
incapable. I do it to honor her.'"
Jesus treated women with the utmost respect and honor (Jn 4:1-38; 8:3,
4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11; 19:25, 26, 27). Likewise, in 1Peter 3:7,
husbands are instructed to live with their wives "with understanding,
giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel." Men and women both
have their weaknesses, but in general, women are physically weaker
than men and have unique needs and sensitivities. This in no way means
they are inferior. In fact, Peter said that as Christians, men and
women are "heirs together of the grace of life" (1Pe 3:7).
Opening a door for a woman may seem to some like an old-fashioned
courtesy. But it can also be a wonderful tribute to both the man and
the woman if it symbolizes the honor and respect one has for the
other. — Dennis J. De Haan
(Our
Daily Bread, Copyright RBC Ministries, Grand Rapids, MI. Reprinted by
permission. All rights reserved)
THINKING IT OVER
Read Ro 12:10-note
and Php 2:3-note.
How can you apply the truths of these verses
to male and female relationships?
We honor God when we honor one another.
><>><>><>
Dwell With
Understanding- My wife, Marlene, and I have been married for some
30 years, and have learned to appreciate each other and enjoy each
other’s unique qualities. But even after all these years she still
surprises me from time to time. Recently, she reacted to a news report
in a way that was opposite to what I expected. I told her, “Wow, that
shocks me. I never would have thought you would land there on this
issue.” Her response? “Your job is to figure me out, and my job is to
keep you guessing!” The responsibility to understand your spouse is
what keeps married life interesting and stretching.
This is an ancient challenge. Peter wrote: “Husbands, likewise, dwell
with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the
weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that
your prayers may not be hindered” (1Peter 3:7). He saw it as a
priority for the husband to become a student of his wife—to know and
understand her. Without that commitment to understanding his spouse, a
husband is not capable of doing what comes next—honoring her.
As a husband, if I am to love my wife as Christ loves the church (Eph.
5:25-note),
it will begin with the intentional effort to grow in my understanding
of her. — Bill Crowder
(Our
Daily Bread, Copyright RBC Ministries, Grand Rapids, MI. Reprinted by
permission. All rights reserved)
FOR FURTHER STUDY: For practical biblical advice on how to
improve your marriage, check out
Building Blocks To A Strong Marriage
(click)
Marriage thrives in a climate of
love and respect.
