Modified from Irving L. Jensen's excellent work "Jensen's Survey of the NT"

BLESS THOSE WHO (continually) PERSECUTE YOU: eulogeite (2PPAM) tous diokontas (PAPMPA) (humas): (Ro 12:21; Job 31:29,30; Matthew 5:44, 48, Luke 6:28; 23:34; Acts 7:60; 1 Corinthians 4:12,13; 1 Thessalonians 5:15; James 3:10; 1 Peter 2:21, 22, 23; 3:9)

Be constantly blessing those who are constantly persecuting you (Wuest)

Wayne Barber gives us the proper context for how one can even begin to produce the "fruits" in this section of Paul's exhortation...Wayne says...

I love the chorus, "The Family of God."

There is something in me and my relationships to others that is drastically different. It is God in me. It is God in you. God is manifesting a love that human ability could never attain. It is a divine love. It is a sensitive love. It is a caring love. It is a selfless love. It is God in us, living and manifesting His life and love through us. (from sermon Romans 12:14-17 Responsibilities Under Grace 7) (Bolding added)

Now that you are surrendered (if you're not read over Wayne Barber's sermon on Romans 12:1) you are ready to put into practice the following command, remembering that God never asks us to carry out any task that He does not first equip us to complete...

Bless (2127) (eulogeo from eu = good + lógos = word) (see related word eulogetos) when used by men toward men it means to speak well of with praise and thanksgiving (English "eulogize") means literally a good word and so to speak well of those who chase after you! It means to invoke God’s blessing upon them.

The present imperative calls for (commands) us to make it a habit to bless them. Try to fulfill this command in your own strength beloved!

Here are the 41 NT uses of eulogeo -- Matt. 14:19; 21:9; 23:39; 25:34; 26:26; Mk. 6:41; 8:7; 11:9f; 14:22; Lk. 1:42, 64; 2:28, 34; 6:28; 9:16; 13:35; 19:38; 24:30, 50f, 53; Jn. 12:13; Acts 3:26; Rom. 12:14; 1 Co. 4:12; 10:16; 14:16; Gal. 3:9; Eph. 1:3; Heb. 6:14; 7:1, 6f; 11:20f; Jas. 3:9; 1 Pet. 3:9 (There are over 250 uses of eulogeo in the Septuagint).

Wayne Barber explains that eulogeo...

"means to speak good things about this person. Now careful, don’t jump ahead with surface interpretation. You may be thinking, "Now wait a minute! Do you mean when somebody, even in the body of Christ, treats me like dirt, I am supposed to say something good about them? That is a lie." Yeah, it sure is. And God is not telling you to lie about them. What does it mean to bless somebody, to speak well of somebody?

You have to read the whole verse. He says, "bless and curse not." The word "curse" means to wish evil upon someone. That is what it means to curse them. It means to say, "Oh, I hope he gets his. I hope this happens in his life," wishing evil upon them. Instead, wish that good things could come upon them. Speak that which is good. Don’t lie about them because they are mean people, but speak good. Wish that which is good to come upon them. Now that is the way you treat those in the body of Christ who bring great grief and pain in your Christian walk. You are seeking to walk surrendered to Christ and they treat you as if you are dirt. You don’t wish evil upon them.

Now you know, if you didn’t understand Romans 1-11, you can’t understand this. In Romans 8 we know why we can do this. ...Because God is causing all things, even those people who bring us grief, to work together for good to those that love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. You see, you have got to have the first 11 chapters of Romans to even begin to understand chapters 12 through 16. Everything in chapters 12 through 16 hinges on what we have already studied in Romans. God is in charge. He even uses the persecution. To do what? To drive us to the end of ourselves. Why? Because Romans 8:29 says that we might be conformed into the image of Christ Jesus. So the pain and all the things that we go through in this quarry, in this school, in this workshop down here on this earth are all tools that God is using to chip off and to hone and to make us into the image of His Son, Jesus Christ. It drives us to the end of ourselves where we learn to decrease and then He is able to increase in our life. That is what life is all about.

So as a believer, when it comes, back off and say,

You don’t wish evil upon them. As a matter of fact, it is by the grace of God that you are not like they are. So speak well of them. Speak good of them. That is the response of a person whose love is without hypocrisy. Because you have got the bigger picture, you can see far beyond the pain and what the individual is doing to you in your life.

It is the saddest thing in the world when people live with bitterness inside them. Hebrews says,

Do you know where it comes from? It comes from not being surrendered. It comes from not understanding that only when you are surrendered, this is your logical, reasonable spiritual service of worship. When you make this offering of yourself to God, God can transform you, renew your mind and you are going to think differently from that point on. But a person not willing to live that way is a person who has put himself, his sinful body, right back up under bondage, the same bondage that God has freed him from. He lives in misery, bound to something that he should never be bound to. So, the response.  (from sermon Romans 12:14-17 Responsibilities Under Grace 7)

Persecute (1377) (dioko [word study] from dio = pursue, prosecute) means to follow or press hard after, pursue with earnestness and diligence. In the presence context dioko means to pursue with repeated acts of enmity. The present tense indicates this is the saint's continual lot in this life, for as Paul writes to the saints at Philippi

to you it has been granted (charizomai  = a grace gift, freely bestowed!) for Christ's sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake (Php 1:29-note)

Obedience to Paul's command (present imperative) runs counter to the tendency of every believer's old flesh nature, (cf Gal 5:17-note) and clearly is impossible in our own strength. To act (like Christ) rather than to react is only possible as we allow the Spirit to control us ("Him-possible"), walking in the Spirit. (Gal 5:16-note) Flesh cannot sincerely (emphasize "sincerely"!) speak well of those who continually persecute us. Paul is not calling for "lip service" but an attitude that flows forth from our regenerated new covenant heart.

Here are the 44 uses of dioko in the NT -- Mt 5:10, 11, 12,, 44; 10:23; 23:34; Lk. 17:23; 21:12; Jn. 5:16; 15:20; Acts 7:52; 9:4, 5; 22:4, 7, 8; 26:11, 14, 15; Ro 9:30, 31; 12:13, 14; 14:19; 1Co 4:12; 14:1; 15:9; 2Co 4:9; Ga 1:13, 23; 4:29; 5:11; 6:12; Php 3:6, 12, 14; 1Th 5:15; 1Ti 6:11; 2Ti 2:22; 3:12; Heb 12:14; 1Pe 3:11; Re 12:13

Wayne Barber gives a "Southern" illustration of "persecution"...

The word "persecution," dioko, is something that you need to realize. It is the word that means to follow after, to pursue after. Many times over the years that I have been here, I have talked about a coon hunt. The raccoon, you know, just doesn’t bother anybody. He sleeps all day long. He gets up in the evening when everybody else goes home and goes about his business. Then one night, he hears the sound of dogs baying out there in the dark. He says to himself, "Oh, no. I haven’t bothered anybody and here we go again." Then that sound gets on his trail! You know what they are like when they are treed. They get that high-pitched sound. That poor little raccoon wasn’t bothering anybody.

That is the word for persecuted...Do you mean they follow you everywhere you go? Yes, and especially when you seek to live a godly life. Number one, they don’t understand this kind of love and they don’t understand the God we serve. It is going to follow you and it is going to be within the church walls as much as it is going to be without it. I wish it were not that way. Flesh is inside the church and outside the church. (from sermon Romans 12:14-17 Responsibilities Under Grace 7)

Torrey's Topic "Persecution" emphasizes that our Lord was persecuted and so we as His disciples should expect persecution because all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, but as implied in Paul's exhortation in the present verse, we should bear up under the persecution remembering that the persecution of a saint is ultimately persecution of Jesus (see study on The Exchange of Armor emphasizing the impact a proper understanding of every saint's present protection as a result of our new position in the New Covenant).

By the way, don't think that this persecution only comes from outside the church. Jesus warned His disciples that a time would come in which whoever would kills them would be so deceived that he would truly think that he was offering service to God! (Jn 16:2).

Treat enemies as if they were your friends (Lk 6:27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33 cf. Lk 23:34 Acts 7:60 1Pe 2:21-note, 22-note, 23-note).

For those who are bought with a price and are no longer there own but are left here as ambassadors of reconciliation (2Cor 5:18, 19, 20), it is not sufficient to simply abstain from retaliation against those who do us injury. Irregardless of continual persecutions, believers are to go to great lengths, making every effort to seek their persecutors welfare! Try to obey this command in your own strength!

The principle of non-retaliation for personal injury permeates the NT and provides practical guidance when life brings us up against those who care nothing for us and are even opposed to all that we stand for. The practice? Ask that they might enjoy the blessings of God! Love inevitably desires the best for other people regardless of who they may be. So while the old nature says “Curse them” God through Paul says, “Ask Me to bless them.”
 

BLESS AND CURSE NOT: eulogeite (2PPAM) kai me katarasthe (2PPMM): (1Co 4:12, 13 1Th 5:15 James 3:10 1Pe 3:9)

Notice this is the second command to bless (present imperative) in one verse. Does Paul have your attention?

The surpassing greatness of the love of Jesus Christ in us is that it can be extended to our enemies even as He Himself did from the Cross (Lu23:34), especially if we have presented ourselves to Him as a living sacrifice. His will is to be our desire & if His will is that we are to be persecuted, then that is good & acceptable & perfect (see notes on Romans 12:2).

Paul's exhortation is very practical for it provides guidance when life brings us up against those who care nothing for us and are in fact opposed to all that we stand for. His advice? Ask that they might enjoy the blessings of God! Love inevitably desires the best for other people regardless of who they may be. The old nature says, “Curse them”; God says, “Ask me to bless them.” This is a mind no longer being conformed to the world but transformed by the Spirit & the Word.

Note that Paul's exhortation is not simply a passive acceptance. We are not just to endure persecution, not just to refrain from striking back at our persecutors, and not even just to refrain from wishing them harm. Rather, Paul boldly commands us (present tense = the habit of our life!) to pray a prayer of blessing for our persecutors. To “bless” in this sense is to ask God to bestow his favor upon someone. To “curse” would be the opposite, i.e., to call upon God to bring harm upon someone.

To reiterate, obedience to this command is not humanly possible but is supernaturally possible as we present ourselves to Him as living sacrifices, dead to self but alive to God's desires.

How do you know when you've genuinely forgiven someone? There are many "markers", but none greater than the supernaturally enabled (from the heart, cp Jesus' words in Mt 18:35) ability to bless rather curse those who've hurt or injured you with their words or actions!

BIBLICAL EXAMPLES
OF NON-RETALIATION

David's example when Shimei cursed the king - 2Sa 16:5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 and after David's return to take his throne - 2Sa 19:16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23. Shimei was eventually killed by King Solomon but after he disobeyed the King's strict command - 1Ki 2:36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46.

Stephen's example when being stoned: First see why or how Stephen (stephanos) was able to act like he did - Acts 6:3, 4, 5, Acts 7:55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60

Jesus' example when He was crucified: Luke 23:34 (the only record of these words in the Gospels), 1Pe 2:21, 22, 23-note, note especially 1Pe 2:23-note

Curse (2672) (kataraomai) is to imprecate evil on someone saying that a supernatural power will cause harm to someone or something. To call down curses upon someone. To utter a prayer or invocation for harm or injury to come upon one. To utter a wish of evil against one; to imprecate evil upon; to call for mischief or injury to fall upon; to execrate. A solemn appeal to a supernatural power to inflict harm on someone or something.

Louw-Nida state that the idea is

to cause injury or harm by means of a statement regarded as having some supernatural power, often because a deity or supernatural force has been evoked. (Louw, J. P., & Nida, E. A. Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament: Based on Semantic Domains. United Bible societies)

Vine writes kataraomai

primarily signifies to pray against, to wish evil against a person or thing; hence to curse (Vine, W E: Vine's Complete Expository Dictionary of Old and New Testament Words. 1996. Nelson)

Kataraomai is in the present imperative  with a negative which is a command to the saints in Rome to stop cursing, implying they were in fact already responding in this manner. Don't miss the order in this verse - first, bless, then, curse not. It's difficult to curse someone you just blessed beloved! And remember it's all founded on a surrender of your will in Romans 12:1-note, which in turn is founded on the liberating truth in Romans 1-11. You cannot just begin to read Paul's commands in Romans 12-16 and expect that you will be able to obey them unless you understand why it is even now possible for you in Christ to be able to do so (that's Romans 1-11!)

Kataraomai - 6x in 6v - Mt 5:44; 25:41; Mk. 11:21; Lk 6:28; Ro 12:14; Jas. 3:9

Nelson's New Illustrated Bible Dictionary writes that a curse is

a prayer for injury, harm, or misfortune to befall someone. Noah, for instance, pronounced a curse on Canaan (Ge 9:25). Isaac pronounced a curse on anyone who cursed Jacob (Ge 27:29). The soothsayer Balaam was hired by Balak, king of Moab, to pronounce a curse on the Israelites (Nu 22:1-24:25). Goliath, the Philistine giant of Gath, “cursed David by his gods” (1Sa 17:43). In Bible times, a curse was considered to be more than a mere wish that evil would befall one’s enemies; it was believed to possess the power to bring about the evil the curser spoke.

The Romans saints were calling down curses on those who persecuted them for the sake of Christ. But Paul says "Stop cursing them!”

Note that the Greek idea of "curse" does not have the usual present day meaning of speaking profanity, but of calling down divine curses upon another person.

Kent Hughes comments that...

This is the radical way of Jesus as given in his Sermon on the Mount. More than speaking well of one’s enemies, it includes praying for their forgiveness and blessing. This is supremely radical. It is one thing not to curse your enemies, but entirely another to pray for their blessing. This is a life-changing call. The Arabs have a custom which (though practiced with differing levels of sincerity) symbolizes what is called for here. They touch the head, lips, and heart indicating, “I think highly of you, I speak well of you, my heart beats for you.” What a way to love the world! “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.” (Hughes, R. K. Romans: Righteousness from heaven. Preaching the Word. Wheaton, Ill.: Crossway Books)

Vincent gives an illustration of this word "curse" (kataraomai) in classical Greek

“Plutarch relates that when a decree was issued that Alcibiades should be solemnly cursed by all the priests and priestesses, one of the latter declared that her holy office obliged her to make prayers, but not execrations.” 

REJOICE WITH THOSE WHO REJOICE: chairein (PAN) meta chaironton (PAPMPG)  (Isaiah 66:10, 11, 12, 13, 14; Luke 1:58; 15:5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10; Acts 11:23; 1 Corinthians 12:26; 2 Corinthians 2:3; Philippians 2:17,18,28 )

Rejoice (5463) (chairo - click Vines discussion of chairo) means to be "cheer" full, calmly happy or well-off. To be glad or be delighted, expressing either a state of well-being or of happiness. Chairo is used in a whole range of situations in which the emotion of joy is evoked. Chairo was occasionally used as a greeting to wish another well (Mt 26:49, 27:29, 28:9, Mk 15:18, Lk 1:28)

Chairo is a common verb in the NT occurring some 74 times --- Mt. 2:10; 5:12; 18:13; 26:49; 27:29; 28:9; Mk. 14:11; 15:18; Lk. 1:14, 28; 6:23; 10:20; 13:17; 15:5, 32; 19:6, 37; 22:5; 23:8; Jn. 3:29; 4:36; 8:56; 11:15; 14:28; 16:20, 22; 19:3; 20:20; Acts 5:41; 8:39; 11:23; 13:48; 15:23, 31; 23:26; Ro 12:12, 15; 16:19; 1Co. 7:30; 13:6; 16:17; 2Co 2:3; 6:10; 7:7, 9, 13, 16; 13:9, 11; Php 1:18; 2:17, 18, 28; 3:1; 4:4, 10; Col. 1:24; 2:5; 1Th 3:9; 5:16; James. 1:1; 1Pe 4:13; 2Jn 1:4, 10, 11; 3 Jn. 1:3; Rev. 11:10; 19:7
 

I like Webster's definition of "to give joy to"! Does your presence in the room bring joy to others? I hope you are convicted because I am! Rejoice continually (present tense).

George Fox, the great Quaker, recorded this prayer in his diary:

I prayed to God that He would baptize my heart into all conditions so I might be able to enter the needs and conditions of all.

At first thought, that principle would seem easy to follow. But when another person’s blessing and happiness is at our expense, or when their favored circumstances or notable accomplishments make ours seem barren and dull, the flesh does not lead us to rejoice but tempts us to resent.

A sorrow shared is
But half a trouble.
A joy that’s shared is
A joy made double.

Paul exhorts us to be considerate of the feelings of others instead of waiting for them to be considerate of our feelings. Because believers are a body, when one part hurts, everyone feels the pain & conversely when one is joyful, should rejoice. (1Co 12:25, 26). Empathy is the capacity for sharing vicariously the feelings and emotions of others. Our tendency even as believers is to be jealous when others rejoice, and to pass them by when they mourn. God’s will is that His children become a family where the joys of one become the joys of all and the pain of one is gladly shared by all the others. The elder brother in the account of the prodigal son provides a clear example of the failure to join in rejoicing (Lk 15:25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32). On the other hand, the Gospels record that upon meeting Mary following the death of her brother, “Jesus wept” (Jn 11:35).

Wayne Barber comments on this section...

Could we all be honest? If you would just get flat out honest, that is the way it is. Flesh (Ed note: our old self  or old man, our nature inherited from Adam)  doesn’t rejoice. If somebody in your church whom you know real well inherited a million dollars, could you say, "I am so happy for you"? No, you walk away saying, "God, how come it is him? How come it couldn’t be me?" You see, we can’t rejoice. Only when God the Holy Spirit is in charge of us can we rejoice when they rejoice. That is the key, not the weeping, but the rejoicing.

But that is not what he is talking about here. I don’t believe that has a thing to do with it. I think it is certainly involved in the truth, but he has not left the theme of persecution. He says, "Weep with those who weep, rejoice with those who rejoice." Now there is a rejoicing and there is a weeping when people go through persecution. We have to understand that.

Look in Acts 5:41 at people together rejoicing because of persecution. You begin to understand the honor of being persecuted. We dread it. Oh, no. We need to look forward to the fact that God exalts us in persecution. He is exalted in persecution, but He is honoring us because He is trusting us by our walk.

"So they went on their way from the presence of the Council, rejoicing that they had been considered worthy to suffer shame for His name."

Now look at Romans 5:3 (see notes on Romans 5:3). We have looked at this before, but I want you to see it now. Romans 5:3 says the same thing. There is a rejoicing in this. Yes, there is a weeping. It is a two-sided coin. On one side we are weeping because it is painful and it is difficult. On the other side there is a reason that we can rejoice with one another.

"And not only this," it says, "but we also exult in our tribulations," we rejoice in our tribulations, "knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance.... hope does not disappoint."

We know those verses. Paul is saying when you go through a trial, God the Holy Spirit begins to show you the honor of going through it. But you also begin to experience and feel the pain of having to go through it. Do you realize when somebody persecutes you, they have honored you and deemed you worthy to be dishonored and shamed for the cause of Christ? We look at it exactly the opposite, but God looks at it this way. Whenever I am being persecuted, I ought to back off and say, "Thank you, God. Thank you, God. Something is going right in my life. And the Christ in me, being manifested in His love through me, is drawing persecution from the world. They can’t stand it. They fight against it. Somehow our walk has been deemed worthy so that we might be disapproved and put to shame for the cause of Christ."

But there is also that weeping with others as they weep. There is a weeping and there is a rejoicing that the family of God shares together as they live godly lives, surrendered to the Holy Spirit of God, letting God be who He is in their life.

It is a beautiful picture here, an attitude of understanding each other, an attitude of joining hands and saying, "Okay, man, I am praying for you. You pray for me. I weep with you and you weep with me." But we will all rejoice together when our walk is such that persecution is what is effected and caused because of it. That is the key.

Now, in order for that to happen there is something that God the Holy Spirit does in me and in you. It takes me off the pedestal and puts me down where I belong. All of a sudden down here, I begin to see people who are hurting everywhere. Remember this, I am not always being persecuted, but somebody is. It makes me aware of it because I may be next. There is no time out when I can start thinking about Wayne. We are always considering those who are going through it because, as I said, we may be next.  (from sermon Romans 12:14-17 Responsibilities Under Grace 7)

In an illustration from the sports world we read about Rickey Henderson breaking Lou Brock's stolen base record...

New Record - Forty thousand fans were on hand in the Oakland stadium when Rickey Henderson tied Lou Brock’s career stolen base record. According to USA Today Lou, who had left baseball in 1979, had followed Henderson’s career and was excited about his success. Realizing that Rickey would set a new record, Brock said, “I’ll be there. Do you think I’m going to miss it now? Rickey did in 12 years what took me 19. He’s amazing.”

The real success stories in life are with people who can rejoice in the successes of others. What Lou Brock did in cheering on Rickey Henderson should be a way of life in the family of God. Few circumstances give us a better opportunity to exhibit God’s grace than when someone succeeds and surpasses us in an area of our own strength and reputation. (Our Daily Bread)

From the world of literature comes the following negative illustration...

Irish novelist and playwright Samuel Beckett received great recognition for his work—but not everyone savored his accomplishments. Beckett’s marriage, in fact, was soured by his wife’s jealousy of his growing fame and success as a writer. One day in 1969 his wife Suzanne answered the telephone, listened for a moment, spoke briefly, and hung up. She then turned to Beckett and with a stricken look whispered, “What a catastrophe!” Was it a devastating personal tragedy? No, she had just learned that Beckett had been awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature! (Today in the Word)

AND WEEP WITH THOSE WHO WEEP: klaiein (PAN) meta klaionton (PAPMPG) (Nehemiah 1:4; Job 2:11; Psalms 35:13,14; Jeremiah 9:1; John 11:19,33, 34, 35, 36; 2 Corinthians 11:29; Philippians 2:26; Hebrews 13:3)

Weep (2799) (klaio) describes crying or wailing with emphasis upon the noise accompanying weeping. The word can imply not only shedding of tears, also is an external manifestation of grief. Klaio can also mean to wail or lament over someone or some thing (Mt 2:18, Re 18:9)

Klaio is used 40 times in the NT --  Mt 2:18; 26:75; Mk. 5:38, 39; 14:72; 16:10; Lk. 6:21, 25; 7:13, 32, 38; 8:52; 19:41; 22:62; 23:28; Jn. 11:31, 33; 16:20; 20:11, 13, 15; Acts 9:39; 21:13; Ro 12:15; 1Co 7:30; Phil. 3:18; James. 4:9; 5:1; Re 5:4, 5; 18:9, 11, 15, 19

While it is in one sense easier to weep with those that weep than to rejoice with those that rejoice, as Chrysostom observed, it is natural to sympathize with sorrow, but it requires a noble soul to rejoice in the joy of others.

The Lord Jesus had a healing ministry. With the help of the Holy Spirit and with a compassionate and understanding heart, we can have a hearing ministry!

Give me a heart sympathetic and tender,
Jesus, like Thine, Jesus, like Thine;
Touched by the needs that are surging around me,
Filled with compassion divine. --Anon.

In a world that couldn't care less, we should care more.

Warren Wiersbe writes:

Paul reminded them that they must enter into the feelings of others. Christian fellowship is much more than a pat on the back and a handshake. It means sharing the burdens and the blessings of others so that we all grow together and glorify the Lord. If Christians cannot get along with one another, how can they ever face their enemies? (Wiersbe, W: Bible Exposition Commentary. 1989. Victor or Logos)

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Our Daily Bread - A story is told about a little boy with a big heart. His next-door neighbor was an older gentleman whose wife had recently died. When the youngster saw the elderly man crying, he climbed up onto his lap and simply sat there.

Later, his mother asked the boy what he had said to their saddened neighbor. "Nothing," the child replied. "I just helped him cry."

Sometimes that is the best thing we can do for people who are facing profound sorrow. Often, our attempts to say something wise and helpful are far less valuable than just sitting next to the bereaved ones, holding their hand, and crying with them.

One of the ways we can help our fellow believers is to "weep with those who weep" (Ro 12:15). Jesus demonstrated that principle when He visited Mary and Martha after Lazarus died. Sensing the depths of Mary's despair over her brother Lazarus' death, Jesus shared her grief by weeping (Jn 11:35). Bystanders took note and said, "See how He loved him!" (v.36).

Sometimes the best thing we can do for those who are traveling life's most sad and lonely road is to "help them cry." Jesus showed us that it's important to share another's tears. Is there anyone who needs your tears today? –J D Branon  (Our Daily Bread, Copyright RBC Ministries, Grand Rapids, MI. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved)

A heartfelt tear can show our love
As words can never do;
It says, "I want to share your pain–
My heart goes out to you." –DJD

A sorrow shared is a sorrow halved. –Shakespeare
(See also How Can I Live With My Loss?)

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From the way Job's friends tried to console him, we learn a basic principle about giving comfort to others in their suffering: A comforter's ability to help is not so much his talent for using words as it is his capacity to be sympathetic. That's the type of understanding Job longed for when his friends began trying to correct him.

Dr. Paul Brand has beautifully expressed this truth in his book Fearfully and Wonderfully Made. He writes: "When I ask patients and their families, 'Who helped you in your suffering?' I hear a strange, imprecise answer. The person described rarely has smooth answers and a winsome, effervescent personality. It is someone quiet, understanding, who listens more than talks, who does not judge or even offer much advice. 'A sense of patience.' 'Someone there when I needed him.' A hand to hold. An understanding, bewildered hug. A shared lump in the throat."

Sometimes, in trying so hard to say the right thing, we forget that the language of feeling speaks much louder than our words. There are times when the best thing we can do is "weep with those who weep" (Romans 12:15).

Helping others in distress begins when we share their pain (2 Corinthians 1:3, 4). —M R De Haan II  (Our Daily Bread, Copyright RBC Ministries, Grand Rapids, MI. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved)

Lord, keep me merciful and kind,
With You, O Christ, first in my mind;
Teach me to feel another's woe,
And mercy to all people show. —Brandt

Sympathy is two hearts tugging at one load.

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The American Hospice Foundation says that bereaved people tend to keep their grieving a secret in the workplace. Many of us have grown up with the idea that sorrow should be overcome quickly. What often happens is that we deny our pain, bottle it up inside, and try to go it alone. A sign that reads "No Grieving Allowed" might as well be posted on the walls at work.

Unfortunately, this same dangerous attitude can invade our homes and communities of faith as well. Grieving presents a dilemma for many Christians. When we feel the deep pain of loss, we often hide it, believing we should be outwardly joyful no matter what has happened. But notice the words of Acts 8:2. Luke wrote that after Stephen was stoned to death by an angry mob, godly men buried him and "made great lamentation over him." Godly men crying and mourning deeply may seem contradictory to some, but the Bible states it plainly in all its emotional impact.

The Lord never asks us to ignore the pain in our hearts. Instead, He calls us to "weep with those who weep" (Ro 12:15). We are to love and support one another as we move together through the process of grieving. --D C McCasland

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Dave Branon writes: Following the death of our 17-year-old daughter in a car accident in June 2002, each member of our family handled the loss differently. For my wife, among the most helpful sources of comfort were visits from moms who had also lost a child in an accident. Sue found strength in their stories, and she wanted them to tell her how God had been faithful in their lives, despite the deep sorrow that comes with losing a precious child. Soon Sue became part of a circle of compassion, a small group of moms who could weep, pray, and seek God's help together. That cadre of grieving moms formed a bond of empathy and hope that provided encouragement in the face of her daily sorrow. Each person grieves uniquely, yet we all need to share our hearts, our burdens, our questions, and our sadness with someone else. That's why it's vital that we find others with whom to discuss our pain and sorrow. In our relationship with Christ, we find encouragement, consolation, love, fellowship, affection, and mercy (Philippians 2:1). God comforts us so that we can comfort others (2 Corinthians 1:4). So let's "rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep" (Romans 12:15). Then others will find a circle of compassion too." (Our Daily Bread, Copyright RBC Ministries, Grand Rapids, MI. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved)

A heartfelt tear can show our love
As words can never do;
It says, "I want to share your pain—
My heart goes out to you." —D. De Haan

We must learn to weep before we can dry another's tears.

BE OF THE SAME MIND TOWARD ONE ANOTHER: to auto eis allelous phronountes (PAPMPN):  (Ro 15:5; 6:2; 2 Chronicles 30:12; Jeremiah 32:39; Acts 4:32; 1 Corinthians 1:10; Philippians 1:27; 2:2,3; Philippians 3:16; 4:2; 1 Peter 3:8) 

Mind (5426) (phroneo from phren = mind) means to think, set one's mind or heart upon something and denotes the whole action of the affections and will as well as the reason. To have an opinion with regard to something (1Co 13:11, Acts 28:22, Php 1:7). The give careful attention to something by setting one's mind on it (Ro 12:16, Php 3:19, Col 3:2). To have an attitude or frame of mind and so to be inclined (Php 2:5). The idea is that our thinking leads us thru process of evaluating a situation. The verb phroneo is one of those terms which is difficult to render in English because it includes at once thinking and willing.”

Here are the 29 uses of phroneo in the NT -- Matt. 16:23; Mk. 8:33; Acts 28:22; Ro 8:5; 12:3, 16; 14:6; 15:5; 1Co 4:6; 13:11; 2Co 13:11; Ga 5:10; Php 1:7; 2:2, 5; 3:15, 16, 19; 4:2, 10; Col. 3:2. The NAS renders phroneo as follows - adopt a view(1), conceited (1), concern(1), concerned(1), feel(1), have attitude(3),intent on purpose(1), live in harmony(1), mind(4), observes(2), set their minds(2), set your mind(1), setting your mind(2),think(3), views (1).

Paul does not mean to imply that we must see alike on every non-essential issue. He is not speaking so much of uniformity of mind as of a harmony in our relationships. To be of the same mind is to show equal regard for others which leads to Paul's next 3 exhortations as a natural outflow of this mindset. 

Ponder the following illustration: The sequoia trees of California tower as much as 300 feet above the ground. Strangely, these giants have unusually shallow root systems that reach out in all directions to capture the greatest amount of surface moisture. Their intertwining roots also provide support for each other against the storms. That's why they usually grow in clusters. Seldom will you see a redwood standing alone, because high winds would quickly uproot it!

Believers are to be like spokes in a wheel that converge at the hub - the closer we are to God the closer we come to one another.

Wayne Barber comments on this verse...

Three things in this verse form a trio. Verse 16 reads, "Be of the same mind toward one another." That’s number one. "Do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly." That is the second thing. Then thirdly, "Do not be wise in your own estimation." Some people take one piece of this and make a sermon out of it. Oh, no. That is a completed thought right there. You need three pieces to complete this puzzle. It is saying essentially the same thing in Romans 12:3 (see notes on Romans 12:3-6):

"For through the grace given to me I say to every man among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think."

Let’s look at this little trio. First of all, he says to be of the same mind toward one another. Now he is not talking about a harmonious, mutual relationship here. No, not at all. What he is saying is, the first step is, always want for your brother who is going through this what you would want for yourself if you were in his place. That is the key. It starts there. When you see a brother being persecuted, immediately it ought to prick your heart even though you may not be going through it at that time. You may be next and you want to do whatever it is to help him now so that when you go through it, somebody will certainly want to come and help you. You have that attitude,

"I want for you what I would want for myself if I were wearing the shoes you are wearing, if I was going through what you are going through."

The second thing even qualifies it more. Do not be haughty in mind. Isn’t it amazing how, when you are not going through a trial, how you tend to think?

"Whew, I must be doing pretty good right now. There is no persecution in my life. Things are sweet. Everything is going great. Wow! The church is doing good."

You have a tendency to get a little haughty and you don’t seem to understand that if you are not in a storm of persecution, then you are about to go into one. You are in between. Because that is what life is about until Jesus comes back. You begin to start seeking those things for yourself, forgetting your brother who is going through that season of persecution. (from sermon Romans 12:14-17 Responsibilities Under Grace 7) (Bolding added)

One another  (240) (allelon) means each other and speaks of a mutuality or sharing of sentiments between two persons or groups of persons. Allelon is a reciprocal pronoun which denotes that the encouragement and edification is to be a mutual beneficial activity. As each submits, encourages, loves, etc, the other members benefit. This is the God's description and prescription for a body of believers.

One another is a common NT phrase (especially in Paul's letters) with most uses relating to the building up of the body of Christ. As such the "one anothers" in the NT would make an excellent Sunday School study (or topical sermon series), taking time to meditate on each occurrence, asking whether it is being practiced (in the Spirit-note) in your local church and seeking to excel still more (cp Php 1:9, 10, 11 -notes; 1Th 3:12-note, 1Th 4:1-note, 1Th 4:10-note). Below is a list  of the NT uses of one another (be sure to check the context for the most accurate interpretation).

DO NOT BE HAUGHTY IN MIND: me ta hupsela phronountes  (PAPMPN): (Ro 11:20 12:3) (Psalms 131:1,2; Jeremiah 45:5; Matthew 18:1, 2, 3, 4; 20:21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28; Luke 4:6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11; 22:24, 25, 26, 27; 1 Peter 5:3; 3 John 1:9; Revelation 13:7,8 )

not minding the high things, but with the lowly going along (Literal)

Do not aspire to eminence, but willingly adjust yourselves to humble situations. (Berkeley )

Don’t become snobbish, but take a real interest in ordinary people  (Phillips)

Haughty (5308) (hupselos from húpsos = height, elevation) means high, elevated, lofty and is used literally to describe mountains but in this case is used figuratively. Paul is saying “Do not continually think high, lofty or elevated” thoughts about yourself.  Paul admonished his readers not to be proud since pride destroys the harmony of the body.

Here are the 11 uses of hupselos in the NT -- Matt. 4:8; 17:1; Mk. 9:2; Lk. 16:15; Acts 13:17; Rom. 11:20; 12:16; Heb. 1:3; 7:26; Rev. 21:10, 12. The NAS translates hupselos - conceited(1), exalted(1), haughty(1), high (6), highly esteemed (1), uplifted(1).

Paul used hupselos earlier in Romans 11:20 (note) writing

Quite right, they were broken off [talking about unbelieving Israel that rejected God's provision of righteousness by faith, found not just in the NT but in the OT Genesis 15:6) for their unbelief, but you stand by your faith. Do not be conceited (hupselos), but fear."

Paul is saying in essence in Romans 11:20 (note)

Understand, Gentiles, that there are others out here that God is concerned with. Don’t just draw the attention to yourself. Don’t put yourself up here to where you can’t see anybody else.

Paul also uses hupselos in 1 Timothy 6:17

"Instruct those who are rich in this present world not to be conceited (hupselos) or to fix their hope on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly supplies us with all things to enjoy."

In this verse from  1 Timothy 6:17 the idea is that of a man going through a good season in his life. The stock market went up and he is just doing well! Look out, because when you start patting yourself on the back because you are doing so well, you may have a fall. Wealth is uncertain and you have put your trust in the wrong thing. So don’t be haughty in your own mind. Instead, Paul is saying here in Romans 12:16 that when you are not going through something difficult, remember that your brother is. And God puts those people on your heart. You don’t have to orchestrate this yourself, but when God does put them on your heart, you begin to become concerned for them and God leads you in how you can minister to them.
 

In refusing to set our mind on high things and in associating with the humble, we simply imitate Jesus and

"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself" (see notes Philippians 2:3, 4)

BUT ASSOCIATE (KJV= "condescend") WITH THE LOWLY: alla tois tapeinois sunapagomenoi (PPPMPN): (Job 31:13, 14, 15, 16; 36:5; Proverbs 17:5; 19:7,17,22; Matthew 6:25,26; 11:5; 26:11; Luke 6:20; 14:13; Philippians 4:11, 12, 13; 1 Timothy 6:6, 7, 8, 9; Hebrews 13:5; James 2:5,6 )

associating yourselves with lowly things and lowly people (Wuest)

Don’t become snobbish, but take a real interest in ordinary people  (Phillips)

Does this not describe the essence our our Lord Jesus Christ? Here Paul is instructing us to imitate our Lord's in attitude and then in action!

Associate with (4879) (sunapago from sún = together + apágo = lead or carry away) means literally “to be led along or carried away with” something or someone.

The thought is go along with, be at home with and associate comfortably with the lowly. Accommodate yourself to those who are less fortunate.

Sunapago is in the passive voice and literally means to be led along or be carried away with. The present tense calls for this to be one's lifestyle or habitual practice. The thought here is to continually go along with, to be at home with, to associate comfortably with or to be drawn into sympathy with the lowly.  If you practice this grace (by grace) what is going to obsess your mind? Not the "big I" for Paul says don’t be haughty but remember those around you who are lowly and be caught up, obsessed and carried away with the lowly.

Sunapago is used 3 times in the NT -- Ro 12:16; Gal 2:13; 2Pe 3:17 - In the NAS it is rendered - associate(1), carried away(2).

Strong says

to yield or submit one's self to lowly things, conditions, employments: not to evade their power.

With the lowly - Literally reads "but the lowly (tapeinos) associate with".

Lowly (5011) (tapeinos) which literally means “not rising far from the ground, of low degree.” It describes something that has been flattened absolutely flat. The brother you have around you who is going through a trial has just been "flattened" because of that trial. You are to "be caught up" (associate with) with that brother. Don’t be caught up with the fact that you are not going through something. You may be next. 

Tapeinos is used 8 times in the NT -- Matt. 11:29; Lk. 1:52; Rom. 12:16; 2 Co. 7:6; 10:1; James. 1:9; 4:6; 1 Pet. 5:5

Vincent notes that in

classical Greek tapeinos usually implies meanness of condition; lowness of rank; abjectness. At best the classical conception is only modesty, absence of assumption, an element of worldly wisdom, and in no sense opposed to self-righteousness.

Wuest adds that

Lowly things would be things of no great consequence so far as the spirit of this age is concerned. Lowly men would be those who in self-abasement and humility walk this earth with a deep sense of their moral littleness.

Sunapago calls for believers to continually be willing to associate with those in humble circumstances or disposition, those who are cast down or of low estate as as opposed to only associating with those who are wealthy or rich. The idea is not restricted to "lowly" people but also includes "lowly" or humble tasks. James minces no words reminding us that

if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors." (Ja 2:1-9)
 

Believers should avoid even a trace of snobbishness, instead as their lifestyle being as outgoing toward humble, lowly folk as toward those of wealth and position.

When an illustrious Christian arrived at the terminal he was met by leaders from the church where he was to speak. The limousine pulled up to take him to a plush hotel. “Who usually entertains visiting preachers here?” he asked. They mentioned an elderly couple in a modest home nearby. “That’s where I would prefer to stay,” he said.

Paul commands us as new creatures in Christ, to get off our "high horse" and come to grips with reality. There are both humble tasks and ordinary people who need our attention. To withdraw from either is to allow pride to control our lives.

Kent Hughes writes that...

A fitting illustration of this comes from the life of Chief Justice Charles Evans Hughes. When Mr. Hughes was appointed Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States, he moved to Washington and transferred his letter to a Baptist church there. His father had been a Baptist minister, and Hughes had been a lifelong witness to his own faith in Christ. It was the custom in that Baptist church to have all new members come forward during the morning service and be introduced to the congregation. On this particular day the first to be called was a Chinese laundryman, Ah Sing, who had moved to Washington from San Francisco and kept a laundry near the church. He stood at the far side of the pulpit. As others were called, they took positions at the extreme opposite side. When a dozen people had gathered, Ah Sing still stood alone. Then Chief Justice Hughes was called, and he significantly stood next to the laundryman. Christians are to associate with everyone—the ordinary people, the unimportant, the outcasts of society. (Hughes, R. K. Romans: Righteousness from heaven. Preaching the Word. Crossway Books or Logos)

Cranfield adds,

It is always a sign of the worldliness of the Church when its ‘leaders’ no longer associate as readily and freely with humble people both inside and outside the Church as with those who are socially superior.

Nave's Topic Humility:

Deut. 9:7, 9:4-29.; 15:15; Job 5:11; 22:29; 25:5, 6; Ps 9:12; 10:17; 22:6, 26; 25:9; 37:11; 69:32; 86:1; 131:1, 2; 138:6; 147:6; 149:4; Pr 3:34; 10:8; 11:2; 12:15; 15:33 18:12. 16:19; 22:4; 25:6, 7; 27:2; 29:23; 30:32; Eccl. 5:2; Is 29:19; 51:1 Deut. 32:7. Is 57:15; 66:2; Je 45:5; Ezek 16:63; Mic. 6:8; Zeph 3:11, 12; Mt. 5:3 Lk 6:20. Mt 11:29; 18:2, 3, 4 Mark 9:33, 34, 35, 36, 37; Lk 9:46, 47, 48. Mt 20:26, 27 Mk 10:43, 44; Lk 22:26. Mt 23:12 Lk 14:11. 1:52; 10:21; 14:10, 11; Pr. 25:6, 7. Lk 17:10; 18:13, 14 Mt 23:12. Lk 22:24, 25, 26, 27; Jn 13:14, 15, 16; Ro 11:18, 20, 25; Ro 12:3, 10, 16; 1Co 1:28, 29; 2:1, 2, 3; 3:18; 10:12; 13:4; 2Co 11:30; 12:5-12; Ga 5:26; 6:14; Ep 4:2; 5:21; Php. 2:3, 4,5,6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11; Col 3:12; James 1:9, 10, 19; 3:1; 4:6, 10; 1Pe 5:3, 5, 6

Exemplified
Ge 18:27, 32.; 32:10; Ex 3:11; 4:10; 2Sa 7:18, 19 1Chr 17:17 1Ki 3:7 2Chr 1:10. 1Chr 29:14; 2Chr 2:6; Ezra 9:13; Job 9:14, 15; 33:6; 40:4, 5; 42:4, 5, 6; Ps 8:3, 4 Job 7:17, 18; Ps 144:3, 4. 73:22; 131:1, 2; 141:5; Pr 30:2, 3; Is 6:5; 38:15; Je 1:6; 10:23, 24; Da 2:30 Ge 41:16; Acts 3:12. Mt. 3:14;15:27; 25:37, 38, 29, 40; Lk 7:6, 7 Mt 8:8. Jn 1:27; 3:29, 30; Ro 7:18; 1Co 15:10; 2Co 3:5; 12:7; Ep 3:8; Phil 3:12, 13; 4:12; 1Ti 1:15 1Co 15:9. Re 4:10

Easton's Bible Dictionary writes that humility is...

a prominent Christian grace (Ro 12:3; 15:17, 18; 1Co 3:5, 6, 7; 2Co 3:5; Phil. 4:11, 12, 13). It is a state of mind well pleasing to God (1Pe 3:4); it preserves the soul in tranquility (Ps 69:32, 33), and makes us patient under trials (Job 1:22).

Christ has set us an example of humility (Phil. 2:6-8). We should be led thereto by a remembrance of our sins (Lam 3:39), and by the thought that it is the way to honour (Pr 16:18), and that the greatest promises are made to the humble (Ps 147:6; Is 57:15; 66:2; 1Pe 5:5). It is a "great paradox in Christianity that it makes humility the avenue to glory."

DO NOT BE WISE IN YOUR OWN ESTIMATION: me ginesthe (2PPMM) phronimoi par heautois: (Torrey's Topic Pride) (Ro 11:25; Proverbs 3:7; 26:12; Isaiah 5:21; 1 Corinthians 3:18; 4:10; 6:5; 8:2; James 3:13, 14, 15, 16, 17)

Do not be (1096) (ginomai) means to come into existence, to cause to be ("gen"-erate), to become. In this verse ginomai is in the present imperative, with a preceding negative, a construction in Greek which calls for prohibition of an action which is already taking place. It can also convey the sense of "Do not have the habit of becoming wise." Some of the Roman saints were becoming "wise in their own estimation". Paul says "Stop (or don't begin) this habit of being wise in your own eyes." The realization that believers have nothing of eternal value that we did not receive fro the Giver of ever good and perfect gift should keep each of us from an inflated ego.

Wayne Barber adds that...

Paul is saying,

"Don’t think you have it all put together here. Don’t think you understand what that person is going through. You don’t know until you get down in the trenches with him (Ed note: remember he is "flattened out"!). Now roll your sleeves up, go get down in the trenches with your brother. Don’t be so wise in your own estimation."

It is amazing how quick we are to do that (be wise in our own estimation) when we are not going through persecution and everything is calm. We tend to draw in rather than look out. All of a sudden the eye of the storm is gone and boom, we catch those winds that are swirling behind it and it knocks us flat. Then we say, "Oh, help me." Then we begin to understand. We were wise in our own estimation. We really didn’t know what was going on until that storm flattened us and we realized that everybody goes through persecution.

So the idea is that if we are going to have this attitude towards one another, caring for one another, this has to be our focus... not thinking of ourselves, but letting the Holy Spirit of God open our eyes to the needs and the hurts of others. (from sermon Romans 12:14-17 Responsibilities Under Grace 7) (Bolding added)

Writing to the Corinthian saints Paul in describing his own ministry reminded them...

Not that we are adequate (hikanos) in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God, who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter, but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. (2Cor 3:5, 4, 6)

How we think determines how we live. Christians are not to have conceit or feelings of superiority toward fellow believers (Ro 1:22). No one is to assume complete knowledge of the other person's circumstances, background, etc. Isaiah spoke of this folly among the Israelites warning

"Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, and clever in their own sight!" (Is 5:21)

Solomon advised...

Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the LORD and turn away from evil. (Pr 3:7)

Solomon later ask the rhetorical question...

Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him. (Pr 26:12)

Morris observes that

NEVER PAY BACK EVIL FOR EVIL TO ANYONE: medeni kakon anti kakou apodidontes (PAPMPN):  (Ro 12:19; Pr 20:22; Mt5:39; 1Th 5:15; 1Pe 3:9 )

Related Resource: Developing The Art Of Gracious Disagreement - RBC

John Calvin rightly said that...

Revenge is a passion unbecoming the children of God.

Regarding the desire to retaliate see the study of Covenant discussing the concept of The Exchange of Armor and Belts.

It has been well said that revenge is a dish that should be eaten cold, for the smallest revenge will poison the soul.

Francis Bacon had some advice on revenge declaring that...

A man who studies revenge keeps his own wounds green. Men must not turn into bees and kill themselves in stinging others.

Pay back (591) (apodidomi [word study] from apó = from + didomi =give) means literally to give back, implying that there is a debt and conveying the idea of an obligation and a responsibility that is not optional. In this context the idea is to recompense in a bad sense, to "reward" them back for what they gave us. It's that spirit of "I'm going to get even no matter what."

There are 48 uses of apodidomi in the NT - Matt. 5:26, 33; 6:4, 6, 18; 12:36; 16:27; 18:25f, 28ff, 34; 20:8; 21:41; 22:21; 27:58; Mk. 12:17; Lk. 4:20; 7:42; 9:42; 10:35; 12:59; 16:2; 19:8; 20:25; Acts 4:33; 5:8; 7:9; 19:40; Rom. 2:6; 12:17; 13:7; 1 Co. 7:3; 1 Thess. 5:15; 1 Tim. 5:4; 2 Tim. 4:8, 14; Heb. 12:11, 16; 13:17; 1 Pet. 3:9; 4:5; Rev. 18:6; 22:2, 12. The NAS translates apodidomi as - account*(1), award(1), fulfill(2), gave back(2), give(3), give back(1), given over(1),giving(1), make (1), paid(2), paid up(1), pay(2), pay back(4), recompense(1), render(7), repay(10), repayment to be made(1), repays(1), returning(1), sold(3), yielding(1), yields(1).

Peter uses apodidomi exhorting his tested, suffering readers...
 

not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. (1Pe 3:9-note)

All men - This phrase means just that...no exceptions. Saved and unsaved!

This is a difficult verse especially the word "NEVER". Let's face it whether its someone verbally abusing us at work or someone rudely cutting in front of us on the freeway, our "lower instinct" (our old self  or old man, our nature inherited from Adam) says

"If you don't counter insult with insult, you'll get stepped on even more."

Instead as Paul reminds the Corinthians, genuine love is called for for such Spirit borne love

"is not provoked (and) does not take into account a wrong suffered"

And Jesus' instruction likewise runs counter to the world's wisdom when He says...

You have heard that it was said, 'AN EYE FOR AN EYE, AND A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH.' But I say to you, do not resist him who is evil; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also. (Mt 5:38, 39-note)

Interestingly the OT law Jesus alluded to above of “eye for eye, tooth for tooth” (Lev 24:17, 18, 19, 20, 21) was never intended to be applied by individuals in either the OT or NT; but it was a standard for the collective society to use to enforce good conduct among the people.

The best way to get even is to forget and forgive!

Jesus declared...

"You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR, and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you." (Mt 5:43, 44-note)

All of us have experienced this strong urge to "get back", of repaying in kind or of giving someone what they "deserve". When we respond in this manner, we are simply lowering ourselves to the level of the person who irritates us. Paul makes it very clear that getting even is NEVER the answer.

Peter also reminded the suffering saints that

you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, WHO COMMITTED NO SIN, NOR WAS ANY DECEIT FOUND IN HIS MOUTH; and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously (read that last phrase again) (1Pe 2:21, 22, 23-note)

When someone does you wrong, what are we to do? Do what's right -- love them even as our Lord loved even Judas to the bitter end of his betrayal.  "Overcome evil with good". How is this possible? In our strength it's not possible. But each of these "tests" is another opportunity to keep entrusting ourselves to the One Who judges righteously and in so doing to learn the "secret" that we "can do all things through Christ Who continually strengthens us in the inner man" (see Php 4:11, 12-notes; Php 4:13-note)

If you have truly laid your "ALL" on His altar (Ro 12:1-note; Ro 12:2-note), remember that your "ALL" includes your "rights", which are now in His hands. How can you do this? Genuine trust will leave everything in the Father's righteous, just hands, as you understand and believe that vengeance is His not yours (see study on The Exchange of Armor and Belts)

We are to love our enemies and treat well those who treat us badly. If yours is a godly life, you will have enemies and be treated unfairly, for Paul reminds us

And indeed, all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will be persecuted." (2Ti 3:12-note)

But Jesus also reminds of the reward for suffering patiently even though you are unjustly treated declaring...

"Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when men cast insults at you, and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely, on account of Me. Rejoice (Exult, leap for joy, show one’s joy by leaping and skipping), and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. (Mt 5:10, 11, 12-note)

Leave all judgment to the Lord. If you let the Lord have His way, He will use your enemies to build you and make you more like Christ.

Many people bury the hatchet, but they leave part of it showing!

Thomas Fuller said...

The noblest revenge is to forgive.

Thomas Watson had similar advice noting that...

It is more honour to bury an injury than to revenge it.

Solomon had a wise instruction writing...

Do not say, "I will repay evil"; Wait for the LORD, and He will save you. (Pr 20:22)

Wayne Barber comments on Paul's exhortation to never pay back evil explaining that believers

are being watched. Do you know that? We are being watched? The way you and I respond to persecution is being watched by others. In the sight of all men there is a certain responsibility that we have in our character that is very important to understand.

Persecution is going to come. "Well, I am not in it right now." Well, one of two things is true. One could be you are not surrendered so your life is not yet worthy to be tested like that. But the other could be that you just came out of one trial and you are getting a breather. Hang on, there is another one coming. People are watching how we treat one another and how we respond in the midst of persecution, in times of difficulty and pain...

The word evil is inherent evil. What he is saying is, that inherent evil comes from flesh. Flesh can be on both sides of the cross and you have to see that. Romans 7 talks about the inherent evil that is in my flesh today. Paul says,

"I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin." (Ro 7:14-note)

There is something that happened in the past that causes my flesh to be lured and devoted to sin. I have a sinful body. And because of that, I have the potential of doing great harm. But others who are that way have the potential of doing great harm to me within the walls of the church. When they do it, I am never to pay back evil for evil. The word "pay back" is recompense. You owe me $10 or I owe you $10 so I pay you back $10.

Now we are going to get to a verse on down where it says,

"Vengeance is mine, I will repay" says the Lord." (Ro12:19-note)

The word "vengeance" is not there. It is a translated word. The word means "out of righteousness" (ekdikesis). Only God can pay back because only God knows how much to pay back. If I paid you back, first of all, it wouldn’t be recompense. I would add a little bit on to it. Now, I have wanted to do that. Have you ever wanted to do that? Be honest. Has somebody ever hurt you in the body of Christ? I mean, you just started your quiet time and somebody had the audacity to do this to you. You thought if you got right with God everything would be sweet and rosy, but it wasn’t. You lay in bed at night and thought about how you could get them back. It is just not worth it. Somebody said, "You can whip a skunk, but it is just not worth it." When Paul says "Don’t repay evil for evil," some people are saying, "No, no, no. That is my protection." But what you are going to receive back for that is just not worth it. Don’t repay evil for evil. When evil comes to you, there is a response you have and you are being watched. (from sermon Romans 12:14-17 Responsibilities Under Grace 7) (Bolding added)

Nave's Topic Revenge:

Forbidden, Lev. 19:18; Pr. 24:29; Ro 12:17, 19; 1 Th 5:15; 1Pe 3:9.
Jesus an example of forbearing, 1Pe 2:23.
Rebuked by Jesus, Luke 9:54, 55.
Inconsistent with a Christian spirit, Luke 9:55.
Proceeds from a spiteful heart, Ezek. 25:15.
Punishment for, Ezek. 25:15, 16, 17; Amos 1:11, 12.

Exemplified
By Simeon and Levi, Ge 34:25.
By Samson, Jdg. 15:7, 8; 16:28, 29, 30.
By Joab, 2Sa 3:27.
By Absalom, 2Sa 13:23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29.
By Jezebel, 1Ki 19:2.
By Ahab, 1Ki 22:27.
By Haman, Esther 3:8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15.
By the Edomites, Ezek. 25:12.
By the Philistines, Ezek. 25:15.
By Herodias, Mark 6:19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24.
By James and John, Luke 9:54.
By the chief priests, Acts 5:33.
By the Jews, Acts 7:54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59; 23:12.

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Years ago a man who didn't like having smoke blown in his face developed a way for nonsmokers to fight back. He called his product "Revenge." It was a foul-smelling disinfectant that came in a pocket-size spray can. The spray gave cigarette smokers a dose of their own medicine--bad air. Many resented the idea. Some got a laugh out of it. Still others purchased some of the stuff. Its manufacturers were capitalizing on the feeling that I'm sure all of us have experienced: If we don't counter insult for insult, we'll get stepped on. For the Christian, however, there are problems with trying to "get back" at someone. We lower ourselves to the level of the person who irritates us. This makes us vulnerable because we violate the principles of faith and love. Revenge appeals to our lower instincts rather than to the high strategy of goodness found in Christ. The Word of God is clear: Getting even is never the answer.

"'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,' says the Lord" (Ro12:19).

So what are we to do when someone offends us? We must continue doing good, and let God handle vengeance in His perfect time and way. "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good" (Ro 12:21-note). --M R De Haan II  (Our Daily Bread, Copyright RBC Ministries, Grand Rapids, MI. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved)

The infamous 19th-century feud between the Hatfields and the McCoys started with a fight over a razorback hog. It turned into a vendetta that continued unabated for several decades. Members of both clans committed brutal murders, and their fighting brought heartache to every family in the valley of the Tug Fork River, along the border of Kentucky and West Virginia.

The men who started this bitter and destructive violence, William Hatfield and Randolph McCoy, were responsible for scores of deaths, but they were never brought to justice in a court of law. Although they both lived long lives, they had to watch the suffering and death of their loved ones.

Our vengeance—no matter how right our cause may seem to us—always goes wrong. Only God has the wisdom and patience needed to punish evildoers properly and to bring them to justice. He treads the winepress of His wrath alone (Isaiah 63:3), and He doesn't need any help from us.

The world tells us, "Don't get mad, get even!" But Paul gave us this instruction: "Repay no one evil for evil. . . . Do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, 'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,' says the Lord" (Ro 12:17, 18, 19). —D H R  (Our Daily Bread, Copyright RBC Ministries, Grand Rapids, MI. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved)

Whenever life becomes unfair
And human judgments fail,
Remember, God will right all wrongs—
His justice will prevail. —Sper

We can endure life's wrongs
because we know God will make things right.

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TRUE FORGIVENESS TO SOME PEOPLE IS SIMPLY "TOO MUCH"! - Marie de Medicis, the Italian-born wife of King Henri IV of France, became the regent for their son Louis after her husband's death in 1610. In later years her relationship with Louis soured and they lived in a state of ongoing hostility. Marie also felt a deep sense of betrayal when Cardinal Richelieu, whom she had helped in his rise to political power, deserted her and went over to her son's side. While on her deathbed Marie was visited by Fabio Chigi, who was papal nuncio of France. Marie vowed to forgive all of her enemies, including Cardinal Richelieu. "Madam," asked Chigi, "as a mark of reconciliation, will you send him the bracelet you wear on your arm?" "No," she replied firmly, "that would be too much." True forgiveness is hard to extend because it demands that people let go of something they value (Ed: The very essence of the verb for forgiveness - Aphiemi = a sending away, letting it go, dropping it, canceling the debt they owe you!) -- not a piece of jewelry, but pride, perhaps, as sense of justice, or desire for revenge. (contrast Paul's instructions to believers in Ro 12:17-note, Ro 12:18, 19, 20, 21-note) -- Daily Walk, May 27, 1992.

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I read a humorous story about a little girl who was making angry faces at a bulldog. Her mother noticed and asked her to stop. The girl said, "But Mom, he started it!"

In one sense, the girl was right. A bulldog naturally looks tough and mean. But the girl gained nothing by competing with him in making faces.

So too, the person who thinks he must return every angry look he sees, or repay any hurtful deed that is directed toward him, will have a never-ending and profitless job. In fact, in the end he is the one who will suffer the most.

As heirs of the grace of God, we should be gracious in our attitude toward others. The spirit of the world says, "Get even with those who mistreat you." The Spirit of Christ says, "Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you" (see Mt 5:44-note).

If you want to know how spiritual you are, ask yourself, "What is my attitude toward those who mistreat me? Am I kind, considerate, and loving in my words and actions toward them?"

To live like Christ is not natural; it's supernatural. Only as we yield to the Holy Spirit can we ever hope to exhibit the life of Christ. --Henry G. Bosch  (Our Daily Bread, Copyright RBC Ministries, Grand Rapids, MI. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved)

O let God's Spirit fill your soul
And cast out every sin,
Then shall you love both friend and foe
And know His peace within. --Bosch

He who throws mud gets dirty hands.

Related Resources on Forgiveness

Exposition of "Forgiveness" in Ephesians 4:32
Exposition of "Forgiveness" in Colossians 3:13

Exposition of "Forgiveness" in Matthew 6:12 and Matthew 6:14-15.

Study the main NT words for forgive/forgiveness:

Forgiveness (859) aphesis

Forgive (send away from, cancel the debt, release, let go) (863) aphiemi

Forgive (grant, freely give, bestow) (5483) charizomai

Excellent 5 Part Sermon Series on Forgiveness by Dr Ray Pritchard:

1) Forgiveness Healing the Hurt We Never Deserved

2) Forgiveness and the Lord's Prayer

3) Judge Not!

4) Is Total Forgiveness Realistic

5) The Final Step-Blessing Your Enemies
 

Forgiveness of Injuries (Mt 18:21-22) by John Angell James

Forgiveness of Sins by Henry Law - 17 Chapter Treatise!

Father, Forgive Them by Dr. Ray Pritchard

Forgiving the Unforgivable by Dr. Ray Pritchard

Forgiving the Unforgivable article by Dr. Ray Pritchard

RESPECT WHAT IS RIGHT IN THE SIGHT OF ALL MEN: pronooumenoi (PMPMPN) kala enopion panton anthropon: (Ro 14:16; 1Corinthians 6:6,7; 13:4,5; 2Corinthians 8:20,21; Philippians 4:8,9; Colossians 4:5; 1Thessalonians 4:12; 1Thessalonians 5:22; 1Timothy 5:14; Titus 2:4,5; 1Peter 2:12; 3:16)

Respect (4306) (pronoeo from pró = before + noieo = think, comprehend, observe, notice) means literally to think before, to observe in advance, to notice beforehand, to plan before, to plan carefully, to perceive in advance, to foresee and so to have regard for. Most of uses in secular Greek convey the idea of to care, to see to it that, make provision for, attend to. The the temporal meaning of observing in advance is rare.

The idea is to think about something ahead of time, giving it careful thought and consideration, with the implication that one can then respond appropriately. As used by Paul in the first epistle to Timothy (see below) pronoeo conveys the sense of thinking about another beforehand in a solicitous (showing consideration, full of concern, attentive) manner and so to care for or look after, with the implication of continuous responsibility. In first Timothy pronoeo describes the forethought necessary to provide care for the widows in one’s family. Christians are to continually (present tense) be thinking beforehand how they can respond appropriately to another's needs. Pronoeo describes an attitude that motivates one to do the right thing.

The KJV translates this verse "provide (pronoeo) things honest" which Vincent explains as follows...

The Authorized Version uses provide in its earlier and more literal meaning of taking thought in advance. This has been mostly merged in the later meaning of furnish, so that the translation conveys the sense of providing honestly for ourselves and our families. Better, as Revised, take thought for. (Vincent, M. R.  Word Studies in the New Testament Vol. 3, Page 1-161)

In writing to the Corinthians Paul says...

"we have regard for (pronoeo) what is honorable, not only in the sight of the Lord, but also in the sight of men." (2Cor 8:21)

Writing to Timothy Paul says...

"But if anyone does not provide for (pronoeo) his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever." (1Ti 5:8)

Right (2570) (kalos) also carries the idea of visibly and obviously having the right behavior when they are around others, especially unbelievers. Kalos describes that which is inherently excellent or intrinsically good, providing some special or superior benefit. Kalos is good with emphasis on that which is beautiful, handsome, excellent, surpassing, precious,   commendable, admirable. Kalos describes that which is inherently excellent or intrinsically good and/or that which provides some special or superior benefit. 

In classical Greek kalos was originally used to describe that which outwardly beautiful. Other secular uses of kalos referred to the usefulness of something such as a fair haven, a fair wind or that which was auspicious such as sacrifices. Kalos referred to that which was "morally beautiful" or noble and hence virtue was called "the good" (to kalon).

The New Testament uses of kalos are similar to the secular Greek -- outwardly fair, as the stones of the temple (Lk 21:5); well adapted to its purpose, as salt ("salt is good" Mk 9:50); competent for an office, as deacons ("good servant of Christ Jesus" 1Ti 4:6); a steward ("serving one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God", see note 1 Peter 4:10); a good soldier (note 2 Timothy 2:3); expedient, wholesome ("it is better for you to enter life crippled" Mk 9:43, 45, 47); morally good, noble, as works ("Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works" see Matthew 5:16-note); conscience ("we are sure that we have a good conscience", see note Hebrews 13:18). The phrase it is good, i.e., a good or proper thing ("It is good not to eat meat or to drink wine", Romans 14:21-note). In the Septuagint (LXX) kalos is the most commonly used word for good as opposed to evil (e.g., see Ge 2:17; 24:50; Isaiah 5:20).

In the sight of (1799) (enopion from en = in + ops =face, eye, countenance) means in the face of, in front of, or in the presence (sight) of everyone. The literal idea is that one is in a position in front of an entity (Re 7:15-note) and for all unbelievers before God Himself (Re 20:12-note). Here in Romans 12:17 enopion pertains to exposure of another to a value judgment (cp Heb 31:21).

There are 91 uses of enopion in the NT -- Lk. 1:15, 17, 19, 75, 76; 4:7; 5:18, 25; 8:47; 12:6, 9; 13:26; 14:10; 15:10, 18, 21; 16:15; 23:14; 24:11, 43; Jn. 20:30; Acts 2:25; 4:10, 19; 6:5f; 7:46; 9:15; 10:30, 31, 33; 19:9, 19; 27:35; Ro 3:20; 12:17; 14:22; 1Co 1:29; 2Co 4:2; 7:12; 8:21; Ga 1:20; 1Ti 2:3; 5:4, 20, 21; 6:12, 13; 2Ti 2:14; 4:1; Heb 4:13; 13:21; James. 4:10; 1Pe 3:4; 1Jn 3:22; 3Jn 1:6; Re 1:4; 2:14; 3:2, 5, 8, 9; 4:5, 6, 10; 5:8; 7:9, 11, 15; 8:2, 3, 4; 9:13; 11:4, 16; 12:4, 10; 13:12, 13, 14; 14:3, 10; 15:4; 16:19; 19:20; 20:12. The NAS translates enopion as - before(46), from sight(1), in front of(1), in the presence of(20), in the sight of(21).

Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. Such exterior goodness is necessary because what we do as Christians is observed by those around us, and it is important that our conduct, which is open to “the eyes of everybody,” brings honor to our God.

The main point is that, instead of reciprocating evil for evil, we should think out ahead of time how we will respond when others attack us or wrong us in some way. By taking forethought we can be ready to respond aright, with “good things,” i.e., in such a way that we bear impressive witness before the world. The idea (from Pr 3:4) is the care which Christians should take so to demean themselves as to command the respect of all men.

Haldane writes that...

We are not to do our work to be seen of men, but we are to be careful that all our works are done so as to avoid anything that would bring a reproach upon the Gospel.