Modified from Irving L. Jensen's excellent work "Jensen's Survey of the NT"

IF POSSIBLE SO FAR AS IT DEPENDS ON YOU: ei dunaton to ex humon:

If possible - it may not always be possible! We all want a word that always works, an easy solution, a quick fix. But some things in this broken world can't be fixed no matter what we do. And then there are some situations clearly when you may be forced to defend yourself in an abusive situation.

Someone has well said,

'The more I get to know the human race, the more I love my dog."

Dogs are loyal, dependable, eager to please, and quick to forgive and forget. Don't you wish people were more like that? But sometimes no matter how hard we try to have a good relationship with someone, it doesn't work.

Note the qualifying phrase "as much as depends on you."

Some people problems may never be resolved, for just as it takes two to quarrel, it also takes two to reconcile.

If we do our part and the "irreconcilable difference" remains, there is still a plan to follow.

In this situation, it is important that we not harbor resentment or try to retaliate with the weapon of silence (pouting or passive aggressive behavior, the "silent treatment" - you know exactly what I mean don't you!).

As those with a new power supply (the indwelling Holy Spirit and a new nature), we need to make a conscious effort to work at overcoming evil with good, and let God work out the problem. We need to keep following the steps given in the following verses in this chapter (Romans 12:9-21) until our people problems are resolved. But regardless of whether they resolve, we must still continue the practices Paul lays out for surrendered believers.

Paul gives us some excellent advice in Romans 12 on how to handle "people problems"

Be affectionate (Ro 12:10 see note)

Be prayerfully patient (Ro 12:12 see note)

Bless your persecutors (Ro 12:14 see note)

Be humble (Ro 12:16 see note)

Don't take revenge (Ro 12:19 see note)

Defeat evil with good (Ro 12:21 see note)

As Solomon wisely advised when we encounter a hard situation, try a soft answer...

A gentle (soft, tender, not harsh or negative) answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word (lit = "words of toil" = critical, cruel & meant to cause mental anguish) stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1)

If you answer a man with a harsh, negative, critical word, it stirs up the hearer's fleshly nature (including the old flesh nature latent and present in believers), and soon you have a quarrel on your hands.

Spurgeon gives  the following illustration:

I once lived where my neighbor’s garden was divided from me only by a very imperfect hedge. He kept a dog, and his dog was a shockingly bad gardener, and did not improve my plants. So, one evening, while I walked alone, I saw this dog doing mischief and being a long way off, I threw a stick at him, with some earnest advice as to his going home. This dog, instead of going home, picked up my stick, and came to me with it in his mouth, wagging his tail. He dropped the stick at my feet and looked up to me most kindly. What could I do but pat him and call him a good dog, and regret that I had ever spoken roughly to him? (Ed: Would it be so that humans responded more like dogs to harsh words!)

While it's true that a humble response to wrath will normally cause it to subside, it's equally true that some people will never be pacified. Because of long-term bitterness and resentment, the tide of their wrath runs too high. Calm, quiet words may not always turn away another's wrath. You may be grieved because they go unheeded, but you can never go wrong with a soft answer.

Read the following illustration from From Our Daily Bread:

My neighbor seemed upset with me. Apparently I had done something that bothered her. When I asked if I had offended her, she responded with a curt "No!" I told her, "I don't want any bad feelings between us. If I've done something to offend you, I apologize." Since then the climate has remained cool. Someone has said, "The more I get to know the human race, the more I love my dog." Dogs are loyal, dependable, eager to please, and quick to forgive and forget. Don't you wish people were more like that? But sometimes no matter how hard we try to have a good relationship with someone, it doesn't work. The apostle Paul addressed that situation in Ro 12:18. Notice the phrase "as much as depends on you." He knew that some people problems may never be resolved. It takes two to quarrel; it takes two to reconcile. If you do your part and the problem remains, there is still a plan to follow. Don't harbor resentment or retaliate with the weapon of silence. Work at overcoming evil with good (v.21), and let God work out the problem. We need to keep following the steps given in Romans 12:9-21 until our people problems are resolved--but especially if they're not. --D J De Haan (Our Daily Bread, Copyright RBC Ministries, Grand Rapids, MI. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved)

The best way to conquer
an enemy is with the weapon of love.

BE AT PEACE WITH ALL MEN: meta panton anthropon eireneuontes (PAPMPN): (2 Cor 13:11; 1 Thes 5:13)

Be at peace - This is not in the form of a command but is still an exhortation to be obeyed by the Spirit controlled believer. The present tense calls for this attitude to be our continual mindset or lifestyle.

Christians should not be needlessly provocative or contentious. The righteousness of God is not worked out by belligerence and wrath (James 1:19-20).

We should love peace,
make peace, and
be at peace.

When we have offended others, or when someone has offended us, we should work tirelessly for a peaceful resolution of the matter.

Don't be like the dad who when ask by his son "How do wars begin?" replied "Well, World War I began because Germany invaded Belgium." At this point his wife interrupted, "Tell him the truth. It began because somebody was murdered." To which the husband quickly retorted "Are you answering his question or am I?" At which the wife stormed out of the room, slamming the door as hard as she could. When the room stopped vibrating, an uneasy silence was broken by the son's comment "Daddy, you don't need to tell me how wars begin. Now I know!"

Are you quick to retaliate?

Have you laid it "ALL" on the altar
so that now you are cultivating a peaceable spirit?

Remember Jesus prayed for His enemies - Do you?

Remember that getting even
takes you down to the level of your offender.

When anger lingers in our heart,
It poisons all we think & do.
But faith seeks ways to show God's love
An keeps our spirit strong & true.
-D J De Haan

NEVER TAKE YOUR OWN REVENGE BELOVED: me heautous ekdikountes (PAPMPN), agaphetoi:

Take revenge (1556) (ekdikeo from ek = out or from + dike = justice) is literally that which proceeds from justice. The idea is to vindicate one's right or to do one justice.

Using a term from the "wild wild west" we might say don't be a vigilante - a member of a volunteer committee organized to suppress and punish crime summarily as when the processes of law appear inadequate and in this present verse a self-appointed doer of justice.

The Christian must be free from the desire to “get even.” Instead choose to view it as momentary light affliction producing for you an eternal weight of glory, viewing the negative encounter with an eternal rather than a temporal perspective. (2Co 4:17-18)

BUT LEAVE ROOM FOR THE WRATH OF GOD: alla dote (2PAAM) topon te orge:

But - Here Paul presents the Spirit enabled, supernatural contrast.

Leave room - Literally a command (aorist imperative = do this now. Do it effectively. Can even convey a sense of urgency.) "give (didomi) place (topos)" or "grant territory".

Paul is not making a suggestion but giving a command (aorist imperative), the aorist tense conveying the idea of "do this now". Don't delay. Do it with with expediency and resolution. Do it without hesitation. Aorist imperative can even convey a sense of urgency. It suggests that there is a moment in most confrontations in which we have to make the critical decision to "give it over" to God (the verb here is actually didomi meaning "to give"!) and "back off" as we would say in today's language.

The active voice of didomi signifies that this action is not one that God will force us to take but it is a choice of our will & if we have indeed presented our bodies to Him in Romans 12:1 (note) than we will choose not to be conformed to the world (the world wants to "get even" and do it now!) but as we make the choice not to retaliate (by the power of His Spirit, in the grace in which we stand, possessing the "mind of Christ"), we will be transformed by the renewing of our mind. The one who trusts in God will not think it necessary to avenge themselves; they will leave the issue of vengeance to God. They will be giving no place to their own wrath, and a wide place to God’s wrath.

Wrath (3709) (orge from orgaô = to teem, to swell) conveys the picture of a swelling which eventually bursts, and thus describes an anger that proceeds from one’s settled nature.  Orge does not refer to uncontrollable anger to which men are so prone but to God's settled indignation and controlled passionate hostile feeling toward sin in all its various manifestations. Settled indignation means that God’s holiness cannot and will not coexist with sin in any form whatsoever. Orge is not the momentary, emotional, and often uncontrolled anger (thumos - 2372) to which human beings are prone. Orge is used primarily of God's holy, righteous wrath but occasionally refers to the wrath of men (see note Ephesians 4:31)

Orge refers to to an inner, deep resentment that seethes and smolders. Orge as used of God refers to His constant and controlled indignation toward sin, while thumos (which originally referred to violent movements of air, water, etc., and consequently came to mean “well up” or “boil up”) refers more to a passionate outburst of rage. Thumos type anger represents an agitated, vehement anger that rushes along relentlessly. The root meaning has to do with moving rapidly and was used of a man’s breathing violently while pursuing an enemy in great rage!

FOR IT IS WRITTEN: gegraphtai (3SRPI) gar: (Deut 32:35 Pr 25:21,22 cp Mt 5:43-47)

It is written occurs 76 times in the NAS (Click for these uses). When we were children and our parents told us to do something and we questioned "Why?", the answer was usually "Because I said so!". Why are we commanded to be holy? Because God said so! A popular saying is

VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY, SAYS THE LORD: emoi ekdikesis, ego antapodoso (1SFAI) legei (1SPAI)  kurios: (Dt 32:35)

Vengeance (1557) (ekdikesis from ekdikeo = that which proceeds from justice; vindicate from ek = from + dikê = justice) means